My Elves

My sister and I went to a talk yesterday by Elizabeth Gilbert, author of Eat Pray Love. It was a really interesting and fun time. She gave some wonderful anecdotes, some advice and her perspective about not only the book but about writing and finding your own path.

The thing that struck me most about her was the same as when I was reading EPL. She thinks a lot like me. She seems terribly scattered. One of her first stories was about missing a plane while sitting right next to the boarding gate. She wasn’t meditating or thinking about anything life changing, she was simply in her own world with her everyday thoughts. The plane boarded with people all around her and she missed it all.

She went on to say that on the other end of this mishap, that is completely part of her personal make-up, was a room full of people who paid to hear her talk about how spiritually grounded she is now. How she has gone from being a depressed mess to a whole person. She didn’t intend to let anyone down, it just happened, but it conflicts with the message that people may read from EPL.

I find that happens to me.

I think people have an impression of who I am that is not completely flattering. They think I am flaky, and not particularly caring. How else can you explain the fact that someone close to me just told me a very personal and significant story about themselves and I never heard a word of it.

I tend to fade when there is drama. You know the everyday kind that seems terribly important to those that are in the eye of the hurricane? It’s really not that I don’t care. I just simply lost the connection. Dropped the call. Slipped off the edge, right in front of you.

Elizabeth spent the second half of the event answering questions. Someone asked her how she handles the criticism that EPL is very self absorbed. I suppose that’s what people think of me. Too busy with my own thoughts to listen or remain present. And I suppose in a way that’s true, but the thoughts that are usually causing such a stir that I can’t ignore them are not entirely about me. Usually they are about completely fictional characters or situations.

Elizabeth called it your Genius. Not that I think I am one, but she described artists of the past as having Genius that is similar to having a little elf in your house. A house elf, you know, like Dobby from Harry Potter. I can relate to this well. The thoughts that distract me most often almost seem like a conversation between this elf and myself.

I start down a path that was constructed by someone I am talking with. The first thoughts might actually be real and related to the conversation but within a couple of seconds they jump around like little Mexican jumping beans and land somewhere completely fictional and honestly more interesting.

I suppose this is all very hard to understand, as it seems hard to explain. And I am a little afraid that if I explained myself better you all might think I am psychotic. Little elf voices in my head, Yikes!!

I was just very satisfied to know that I am not the only one out there with these particular obstacles. It also bolsters my confidence to know, I am not self absorbed or uncaring, I am simply easily distracted by elves. See it’s very simple…

Evangelicals Among Us

I had an opportunity last night to sit with 10 other women and discuss religion. It was a phenomenal group and I was extremely pleased with the energy and overall tone of acceptance. We all came with different backgrounds and experience that led us to our beliefs and understandings of not only religions but also our faiths. I have been thinking about it all morning.

I really enjoy situations like last night, where intelligent people can discover each other’s opinions and insights in an unthreatening manner. I was probably the most threatening person in the group, constantly asking for more information and prying into the personal beliefs of these women. No one seemed offended and no one told me to mind my own business, so I happily delved as far as possible.

The part I found most fascinating is they all held very strong beliefs. Even the women that don’t have religious beliefs held strongly to their point of view. No one, not one single woman in the group, claimed to be “right”. I thought this was incredible. I know that in our hearts we all believe ourselves to be right, why would we hold on to any idea that we were unsure about? But in this gathering of confident, articulate women, no one felt the need to force their ideas on anyone else.

Don’t get me wrong, there was some preaching, some definite ideas of how things should be done, but through it all, it really felt like the women understood that this subject is very personal. I guess that’s why so many people have a hard time talking about it.

We had a segue that specifically dealt with the idea of evangelizing to others. Some felt that it’s just inappropriate to try and sway people toward your point of view. I argued that maybe it’s not in the presentation of the information that is at fault, but on the receiving end. If you don’t want to hear it, kindly say so.

The questions become, is it evangelizing when you are telling people what you believe and why? Or is it in the tone that it is offered? Are you trying to persuade me with your ideas or simply sharing more about yourself? Is it only okay when you are specifically asked?

I think that when voicing our opinions we are always trying to persuade. It doesn’t mean that I should be offended. It doesn’t mean that I will change my point of view. I simply appreciate the opportunity to hear others thoughts and feeling about important subjects. I enjoy knowing how they got to that understanding or belief. I thank these women for sharing with me. I am richer today because of them.

this place of disarray

I’m in a strange place. It is crowded, dark and loud here. The cacophony confuses me and leaves me without understanding of any single sound. I see a light and try to follow it out, only to find myself lost in a different place. Someone reaches out to me, and tries to draw me out, but their grasp is weak and soon falls away. I wander, seemingly enjoying myself. How can that be when I am lost? But still, the echoes of a thousand sounds reverberate around me creating some comfort. The light that escapes a small crack in the interior blinks like a cursor waiting for the next word. I stumble and fall, bruising my ego and as I try and erect myself I realize… it’s safer here, nearer to the ground. As I grope my way along the tangled map that is this place, I finally recognize a sound; the first to make any sense. It is my name. Someone is calling me from this sanctuary? Insisting that I come out. They don’t see that this dim surrounding is my comfort. This is my home, this is my creativity, this place… is my own head.

Read blogs!

I love to read writers blogs. I think they are terribly entertaining and I learn some stuff too. Take today... I was reading a lovely blog by Ken Levine, which I truely enjoy reading. He was making a point about Hollywoods ability to take a well written peice of art and turning it into a droll, money making, disaster. The blog is here if you would like to read it. http://kenlevine.blogspot.com/

Anyway, I was reading the comments (which were also fabulous and funny) and one guy says: "So topical, so specific, so very amusing. On the other hand, though, as with the best satire (e.g. Jonathan Swift), your subtext is wonderfully vitriolic."

I was delighted by the word vitriolic. I wrote and said I had to know if the writer used a thesaurus to come up with vitriolic and said it was nicely done! Definitely a 10 cent word. Very soon after I got two responses that my vocabulary seriously needs work if I think vitriolic is a 10 center. Seriously!!

Okay, I admit, my vocabulary mainly consists of little gems like "poop" as in "please don't poop on the carpet." And "drawin'" as in "whose been drawin' on the walls?" It's been awhile since I carried on a conversation that would in anyway involve a word like vitriolic. Don't I wish! (But I am teaching my four year old the word as soon as I get done here!)

I live with my thesaurus and my dictionary, by my side. I love to find new words especially one's as juicy as vitriolic! By the way, for you morons, I mean mom's like myself, vitriolic means: "filled with or expressing extreme bitterness and hatred toward somebody or something".

Guess what, no matter what they say about me, I am not feeling in the least bit vitriolic towards any of the erudite writers who so blithely ridicule my inadequate vernacular.
Love me

damn dreams

I have been dreaming lately that I am losing my teeth. I know nobody wants to hear about anybody else’s dreams, but it’s my blog and I’ll do what I want. Read if you want…They are disturbing dreams where I can feel one loose tooth. When it falls out, I look and it is grossly decayed. When I look in the mirror I realize it wasn’t just one tooth, but all.

This morning when I got up, I couldn’t stand it anymore I had to know what the dreams meant. I have an old dream interpretation book that I immediately referenced. “If you lose your teeth, you will have burdens which will crush your pride and demolish your affairs.” “If they appear decayed and snaggled, your business or health will suffer from intense strains.” “Seeing all teeth drop out, death and famine usually will prevail. If the teeth are decayed and you pull them out, the same; only yourself is prominent in the case.”*

So there it is…I am dying.

Well, if I’m not dying its still really bad news. Can’t be good.

I am often curious about my dreams. I am a dreamer, I dream all the time. I dream when I am awake. I am often accused of not listening when someone is talking to me, that’s because I am dreaming. Right in front of you, while you are telling me something of great importance… By the way, I’m sorry about that.

I am also a believer of positive attraction. I am a pretty positive person. Although when I am not positive, I tend to be pretty dramatic about it. But wherein lies the subconscious when dealing with positive attraction? How am I supposed to attract positive, happy-pants ideas into my life when my subconscious is betraying me?

For Pete’s sake! It’s a bad dream!! I don’t like having it and I want it to go away!!

There, that’s said, now I am sure I can go on to dream about fluffy white sheep, grazing in fields of flowing golden wheat! RIGHT??

I guess we’ll see tonight.

*10,000 Dreams Interpreted by Gustavus Hindman Miller

Nailed it!

Worked on the SP all day. This time I think it's perfect. We'll see after payday when I can afford to buy some more criticism!! Ha! What a funny concept.

Rewrite Hell

I sent my screenplay in for coverage to an on-line screenwriters group called ScriptShark.com. Coverage is when a “reader” reads your script, gives it a logline and two page summary and then rates it. You get a comments section where they tell you what they really thought, and then a grid they fill out with the areas they think you need to work on. All of these fabulous prizes for the low, low price of $155.

So…here’s what I got. The first part is a pretty concise logline and summary. Then the comments section, which starts, “An often entertaining holiday story about Christmas, family, and the spirit of giving, this script has terrific potential in several different markets. Considering it’s scale and target audience, this concept would be ideal for a TV movie, particularly with Hallmark or ABC Family, but certainly has potential as a theatrical feature as well.” Nice huh??

He ends the comments section with… “Overall, the script has some trouble spots that require further development, but the concept is terrific, and certainly has potential. With deeper characterization, a more fully-realized second act, and higher stakes in Tiffany’s initial decision, this could be a first-rate family film.” WOW! Really?

Even though the middle of the comments is filled with little gems like, “The opening pages are flat, and fail to establish the setting or evoke the mood of the script’s locales.” And, “Much of the dialog rings false, particularly among the kids.” I still felt this was a pretty good assessment. Yeah for me.

But, then I got to the grid, portion. There are four categories they can rate you. Excellent, Solid, Needs Work, or Re-think. You would think with the above comments about the concept being “ideal” and saying flat out that the concept is “terrific” that I might rate an Excellent at least in those categories. Hmmmm…. Nope. I got 18 Needs Work, only 4 Solid’s (and one of those was on page count, please!) and 9 Re-think’s! Not a single Excellent among them. Bummer!!

Still though, someone read my script. Which is fabulous! They said some nice things and gave me some good ideas on improving it. All good. So what’s the problem now?

Yesterday, I tried to do a rewrite and encompass some of his ideas. Now I hate the damn thing! I feel like I have totally lost the overall feel and premise that I started with. At 3:00 yesterday after spending nearly the entire day on it. I gave up and walked away. Melanie, my four year old, and I went for a walk with the dog.

So, now what? This morning I woke up to an email from Jim Vine. A screenwriter in Hollywood, who has been extremely helpful, giving me some very simple advice. I think I need to re-outline the whole thing. Especially, Tiffany, my main character, with all of her challenges and who I really want her to be.

Then instead of going paragraph by paragraph trying to rewrite, I need to look at the whole thing. I have been trying to rework all the parts and the total concept kind of fell apart. Not good. I am back on track. I am going to lunch with my grandma today, and clearly I am procrastinating by writing this blog. But tonight when I get the kids to bed, I will try to read through the whole thing, and find my voice again.

You know what? It’s still really, REALLY FUN!!