From the PRESIDENT's desk

It was a tight race but I am this years PTO President and Smarty Pants is the VP, Lord help them! Actually, no one ran against us... but it would have been a hell of a fight. I am a little disappointed I didn't get to give my speech. I was going to wrap it up by singing "Freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose."

My first order of business is to keep SP from making anyone cry. At least for the first few months. I know it's a tall order but I'm serious about this new gig.

Actually, I have been giving some thought to school improvement and I wanted to sort some things out on the Blog before I present them in the PTO meeting.

The first is an Enrichment class I've been thinking about. It's called Survivor Student. We take 30 some kids and put them through vigorous challenges... like standing on a street corner, twirling a "Will Work For Food" sign. The students will have to write a resume to get off the corner. Points will be given for choreography of the twirling, correct spelling and grammar on the resume, as well as how much money they collect while on the corner.

Or something simple like putting together a puzzle of the US. For every state in the incorrect place we'll give them a little zap from one of those dog collars. If it can teach a dog to stay off the sofa, I think it might work wonders for Geography.

Every week the kid who cries gets voted off, by the end of six weeks whoever is left becomes Student Council President.

The next improvement I've been thinking about is more for the teachers. I think they should pick the kid out of the class who is... let's say... acting inappropriately, give him a shirt with his name on it, and send him out to wash all the teacher's cars during lunch. It's sort of a reality check mixed in with some teacher appreciation. Really killing two birds with one stone...

Last... and this one is the BEST... is for parents who like to complain but don't ever help out. I'd like to put together a simple list of consequences for bad behavior. The first time you complain about something, you will be asked to help out by monitoring the students washing the cars- and you will be issued a dog collar. The second time you complain... zap. AND, if you are stupid enough to complain a third time after being zapped with a dog collar, you will be voted off the island and asked to find a charter school.

See, I'm gonna make a GREAT PTO President! Ideas for the Enrichment class can be submitted as a comment. Any complaints about this Blog should be sent to SP, but not until she's back from buying a handful of dog collars.

January 2009

Just found this in my archives... I wrote it in January 2009 and never posted it. Now I think it's funny and I want to share!


Aphorism: a concise statement of general truth

And so today another day...
The vultures flock above my head
And question whether not I'm dead

But as I drink my bottle o'wine
I am sure it's a healthful sign

That my breathing seems to repeat
And my heart keeps up it's beat

But for now I'll dance a jig
After one more tasty swig

I'll ignore the doubtful twins
Who always notice all my sins

And keep my head about the rest
Hoping always for the best

Tottering slightly way up here
As I look around in fear

Realizing as I tottle
Down I fall into the bottle

Drowning in my own despise
I climb upon my own self-lies

To survive another day
I must learn to change my way

With the wine I can not win
So how about I try the gin