Tomorrow is the 4th anniversary of Steve's death. It is also his son's 13th birthday. I am at a loss for words today over a simple phone call and conversation which started last night.
The Victim's Advocate from Douglas County called and left Lisa a message. She said there was a motion before the court and she needed Lisa's opinion. We knew last night this was not good news.
This morning, Lisa spoke with her. It seems the kid who killed Steve is looking to get off probation early. The probation officer thinks he's done a fabulous job fulfilling all of his obligations and deserves to be let off early.
He only got two years probation. That's apparently too much time.
I'm finding it difficult to believe it's been almost two years. His actual date for being done is June 16th this year. The time between Steve's death and the sentence felt like 100 years - the time between his sentence and it almost being over, went by in the blink of an eye.
I felt so sad when he got sentenced. I wasn't sure that was justice. I was sad that all of our pain and grief was only allocated 24 months. Steve was dead, our lives were changed forever but I tried to see the other side. I knew the kid who caused the accident was injured, his life would be changed forever too... right?
After getting this phone call the day before the anniversary of his death I'm no longer sure what I feel. Does this family, the family of the kid, really think his sentence was too hard? Was it too inconvenient for them to just fulfill the sentence and let us all try and get on with our lives?
I feel like the least we can expect, from all of them -the family, the kid and the courts- is for him to do his two years like a man! Not to allow this motion to be put before the courts and to make Lisa have to withstand ANOTHER slap in the face!
Not to mention, it's all the day before she tries to celebrate her son's birthday and leave the fact that's it's also the day her husband was taken from her in the farthest place in her mind.
I'm glad he fulfilled his obligations so well the probation officer feels justified in letting him off early. It's good that he can do what's required of him, after all, not much was required.
It's been 18 months of probation-a blink of an eye. That's what Steve's life is worth to our justice system.
I know Lisa, almost better than I know myself. Although she is in pain today, she's crying and upset, she'll get over it. She'll find a way to see the bright side. She always does.
So tomorrow, we'll celebrate Jackson's birthday. We'll give him presents, eat his favorite foods, indulge in chocolate cake, and we'll try not too spend too much time dwelling on the fact that his father was taken from him - taken from all of us.
Showing posts with label Steve. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Steve. Show all posts
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
9news.com
Wow! There is a very heated debate going on on 9news.com about this case. It's funny how opinionated people can be when they have no idea what they're talking about. When we (Lisa and I) first found this last night I was so pleased to see people that were surprised about the outcome. When all of this first happened I ended up in a heated debate on a link like this one, where everyone commenting believed that everyone drinks and drives and that it's just a tragedy that Dan got caught in such a bad way. I was baffled and irritated that people could be so stupid.
Well now, everyone is surprised that he got off with such a light sentence. Again, I am baffled and irritated that people are so stupid. Here are a few facts that might be important before you make up your minds about what's right in this case.
Lisa is incredibly forgiving. She said in her speech to the judge she decided she needed to forgive not for Daniel, but so that she could mother her children without being angry or bitter. She is not "Fine" with what happened. When we found out he was technically incompetent for a second time it was a bitter pill to swallow. I know he's damaged but we also know he did it to himself! I can tell you without a doubt that Lisa and Aprel would take Steve back in the same incompetent condition if they could have him. The Steven's have been very lucky.
They have their son. They have his freedom. And they have a victim who is so kind and considerate, she constantly worries for them before worrying about herself.
The other side to this is that he could have been released. Charges dropped with no consequences whatsoever for the fact that the state declared him incompetent. He decided with his family to ask to be charge in the Juvenile system. He wanted to have some punishment. He couldn't just walk away.
Is it the perfect answer? Or the best situation? GOD NO! None of it makes a damn bit of sense, but it's simply what we are left with. It's difficult to dig through the shit to find the rainbow, but it's there. I believe it's always there. Maybe if we knew all of the stories of the kids listening in that court yesterday we would have our perfect answer. Maybe just one of those kids will think about what they heard on a night when their plans are similar to what Dan' s were, and decide to let someone sober drive. Or maybe he just won't take the drink.
Are our courts too lenient on drinking and driving? You bet they are! When Lisa and I were in court one of the last times, I overheard an attorney, out in the hall talking to her client. "Since this is your tenth DUI, you're going to spend some jail time." Are you shitting me?? Some jail time after TEN?!! Maybe the laws need a little adjusting.
But in this case... we have to conclude that it's done, with what has to be the best possible answer.
Well now, everyone is surprised that he got off with such a light sentence. Again, I am baffled and irritated that people are so stupid. Here are a few facts that might be important before you make up your minds about what's right in this case.
Lisa is incredibly forgiving. She said in her speech to the judge she decided she needed to forgive not for Daniel, but so that she could mother her children without being angry or bitter. She is not "Fine" with what happened. When we found out he was technically incompetent for a second time it was a bitter pill to swallow. I know he's damaged but we also know he did it to himself! I can tell you without a doubt that Lisa and Aprel would take Steve back in the same incompetent condition if they could have him. The Steven's have been very lucky.
They have their son. They have his freedom. And they have a victim who is so kind and considerate, she constantly worries for them before worrying about herself.
The other side to this is that he could have been released. Charges dropped with no consequences whatsoever for the fact that the state declared him incompetent. He decided with his family to ask to be charge in the Juvenile system. He wanted to have some punishment. He couldn't just walk away.
Is it the perfect answer? Or the best situation? GOD NO! None of it makes a damn bit of sense, but it's simply what we are left with. It's difficult to dig through the shit to find the rainbow, but it's there. I believe it's always there. Maybe if we knew all of the stories of the kids listening in that court yesterday we would have our perfect answer. Maybe just one of those kids will think about what they heard on a night when their plans are similar to what Dan' s were, and decide to let someone sober drive. Or maybe he just won't take the drink.
Are our courts too lenient on drinking and driving? You bet they are! When Lisa and I were in court one of the last times, I overheard an attorney, out in the hall talking to her client. "Since this is your tenth DUI, you're going to spend some jail time." Are you shitting me?? Some jail time after TEN?!! Maybe the laws need a little adjusting.
But in this case... we have to conclude that it's done, with what has to be the best possible answer.
Monday, June 16, 2008
A Guilty Plea
I have pictured this day so many times in my head and strangely, it wasn’t anything like what I expected. We arrived at court to a huge line all the way out the door. It took over 20 minutes to get through the new metal detector system. After waiting so long, we ended up running late and had to hurry to find the correct courtroom. I was immediately taken aback by the crowd as we shuffled in together; Aprel (Steve’s mom) Lisa, Wade, and I.
Daniel was demoted to juvenile court, because of his mental health finding. Incompetent to stand trial in an adult proceeding for a second time, with a finding that his improvement was at it’s best, removed any option of going forward in that division. At that point it was a possibility the judge would throw the whole thing out and we would be without any resolution. Daniel and his family asked that we re-file in juvenile court with the understanding they wouldn’t raise the competency issue again. He would just take whatever deal the DA offered. So here we are.
As I looked around the courtroom, filled to the brim with little criminals, I was deeply saddened. Child after child stood in front of the judge to hear the charges against him. Burglary, robbery, breaking and entering, every one of them accompanied by a disillusioned, exhausted parent. It would be easy to find fault and guilt behind every parents eyes, but all I saw was disappointment and some sad resolution, is this really what all their hopes and dreams had become?
Finally, they called Daniels case. I sat with Wade as Lisa and Aprel went to the front to address the court. I was already crying. The room previously filled with voices from every corner became increasingly quiet as Aprel told the judge how much she missed her only son. When Lisa began to speak, the still and quiet echoed throughout all the people. No one made a sound.
She did an outstanding job, telling this new judge in only a couple of seconds what she and her boys had lost. I was a dripping, dribbling mess listening to her courage and strength in her forgiveness of the boy that took it all away. She pointed out the most obvious lessons she has learned, and hoped that Daniels community service could find a way to save even one other person from the hurt that has become a part of her being.
As I listened, and cried, I couldn’t help but look around at all of those parents and kids waiting with jaded breath. I could read their minds as they said silent prayers, that this outcome would never be their own. Lisa finished by telling the courts that being a single parent was never her plan, but that the new plan only included focusing on raising two boys, to become men their father would be proud of.
After both lawyers got to say their own irrelevant speeches it was Dan’s turn. He started to address the judge but then turned to face my sister. He apologized. He did his best to convey his remorse for actions that seem impossible to forgive. I bowed my head and let the tears run continuous, for all that this tragedy held, and I said my own prayer, that God would shine his light and make something of this heartbreak worthwhile.
I left today with my family,two of the most important people in my life, my sister and my husband, knowing that this ends two and a half years of struggle, regrets, sadness and doubts. It is ridiculous to say that our lives will never be the same, to me that’s so damn obvious. I do, however, feel that losing Steve was like breaking off a piece of myself that will never heal. Feeling the loss and the grief, shouldering the pain of my family, has permanently changed me. Without a doubt, I will miss you Steve, forever.
Daniel was demoted to juvenile court, because of his mental health finding. Incompetent to stand trial in an adult proceeding for a second time, with a finding that his improvement was at it’s best, removed any option of going forward in that division. At that point it was a possibility the judge would throw the whole thing out and we would be without any resolution. Daniel and his family asked that we re-file in juvenile court with the understanding they wouldn’t raise the competency issue again. He would just take whatever deal the DA offered. So here we are.
As I looked around the courtroom, filled to the brim with little criminals, I was deeply saddened. Child after child stood in front of the judge to hear the charges against him. Burglary, robbery, breaking and entering, every one of them accompanied by a disillusioned, exhausted parent. It would be easy to find fault and guilt behind every parents eyes, but all I saw was disappointment and some sad resolution, is this really what all their hopes and dreams had become?
Finally, they called Daniels case. I sat with Wade as Lisa and Aprel went to the front to address the court. I was already crying. The room previously filled with voices from every corner became increasingly quiet as Aprel told the judge how much she missed her only son. When Lisa began to speak, the still and quiet echoed throughout all the people. No one made a sound.
She did an outstanding job, telling this new judge in only a couple of seconds what she and her boys had lost. I was a dripping, dribbling mess listening to her courage and strength in her forgiveness of the boy that took it all away. She pointed out the most obvious lessons she has learned, and hoped that Daniels community service could find a way to save even one other person from the hurt that has become a part of her being.
As I listened, and cried, I couldn’t help but look around at all of those parents and kids waiting with jaded breath. I could read their minds as they said silent prayers, that this outcome would never be their own. Lisa finished by telling the courts that being a single parent was never her plan, but that the new plan only included focusing on raising two boys, to become men their father would be proud of.
After both lawyers got to say their own irrelevant speeches it was Dan’s turn. He started to address the judge but then turned to face my sister. He apologized. He did his best to convey his remorse for actions that seem impossible to forgive. I bowed my head and let the tears run continuous, for all that this tragedy held, and I said my own prayer, that God would shine his light and make something of this heartbreak worthwhile.
I left today with my family,two of the most important people in my life, my sister and my husband, knowing that this ends two and a half years of struggle, regrets, sadness and doubts. It is ridiculous to say that our lives will never be the same, to me that’s so damn obvious. I do, however, feel that losing Steve was like breaking off a piece of myself that will never heal. Feeling the loss and the grief, shouldering the pain of my family, has permanently changed me. Without a doubt, I will miss you Steve, forever.
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
Pity Party, Screenplay work, and Big Dogs
So, I'm over my pity party. If you read through this entire page of blogs many clear points come through. In the past month I have written about my belief in God, my belief in redemption and my own account of BIG mistakes I have made in my life.
Dan Stephen is no different.
I believe that our Universe will work it's magic and Dan will have to face his mistakes one way or another. I wish it would work faster. I really want this part of our lives to be over with. But I can wait. Maybe this is my lesson in patience and my lesson in giving up control. Having faith. Man, there are tons of lessons here if I quit whining long enough to see them. So for now I will let go and trust that things will work out.
As for my writing, I am done with the SP. The last critique was great! Very positive with lots of ideas on how to improve it. I spent some time rewriting again. Came up with a few new scenes to add, some more conflict and now I'm done. I need to move on to something new. I am posting it this afternoon on a website called inktip.com. It's a place for managers, producers, and agents to look for the type of movies they are looking for. It has a pretty good record for getting things sold. I will also give it to my uncle and let him give it to some friends. We will see...
Just one more update. My dog had surgery yesterday. He is an 8 month old Bernese Mountain Dog and he had shoulder trouble. Apparently it's fairly common in dogs this big. But the surgery was hard on him. He looks like he was hit by a truck!! He has six weeks of recovery which includes only leash walks, no free roaming in the yard. This is going to be really hard on him. He's totally an outside dog!
He had his entire leg, shoulder to toes, shaved. There are incisions on his shoulder that need to stay clean and dry. He is wearing one of those big dog, circus hats to keep him from licking, and he is completely disoriented with that thing on. He bangs into everything around while he is limping along. It's really a sad sight! I hope he heals quickly! There I go again. I seriously need to buy some patience. Maybe that's what this summer is suppose to be about. Slowing down, and just letting things happen. Sounds like a pretty good summer to me.
Dan Stephen is no different.
I believe that our Universe will work it's magic and Dan will have to face his mistakes one way or another. I wish it would work faster. I really want this part of our lives to be over with. But I can wait. Maybe this is my lesson in patience and my lesson in giving up control. Having faith. Man, there are tons of lessons here if I quit whining long enough to see them. So for now I will let go and trust that things will work out.
As for my writing, I am done with the SP. The last critique was great! Very positive with lots of ideas on how to improve it. I spent some time rewriting again. Came up with a few new scenes to add, some more conflict and now I'm done. I need to move on to something new. I am posting it this afternoon on a website called inktip.com. It's a place for managers, producers, and agents to look for the type of movies they are looking for. It has a pretty good record for getting things sold. I will also give it to my uncle and let him give it to some friends. We will see...
Just one more update. My dog had surgery yesterday. He is an 8 month old Bernese Mountain Dog and he had shoulder trouble. Apparently it's fairly common in dogs this big. But the surgery was hard on him. He looks like he was hit by a truck!! He has six weeks of recovery which includes only leash walks, no free roaming in the yard. This is going to be really hard on him. He's totally an outside dog!
He had his entire leg, shoulder to toes, shaved. There are incisions on his shoulder that need to stay clean and dry. He is wearing one of those big dog, circus hats to keep him from licking, and he is completely disoriented with that thing on. He bangs into everything around while he is limping along. It's really a sad sight! I hope he heals quickly! There I go again. I seriously need to buy some patience. Maybe that's what this summer is suppose to be about. Slowing down, and just letting things happen. Sounds like a pretty good summer to me.
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
No justice for peacekeepers
Daniel Stephen, the 16 year old boy that killed Steve, has been found incompetent to stand trial again. I am baffled and disappointed to my core over this finding. The entire judicial system is a bad joke. Lisa and I have attended every proceeding. Only to walk away confused by the inefficient legal system.
Since the accident, this boy (after 2+ years he is now a man), has graduated high school and gotten himself a job at an insurance company. The courts say he is incompetent because he has short term memory loss. He also does not remember the accident. I wish my sister didn't remember the accident. Didn't remember holding her husbands hand while he died. But she does.
I feel completely at a loss. I am afraid we are letting Steve down. We are letting his sons down. And maybe at the core I am somehow letting my sister down. There has to be more we can do. I am angry at the District Attorney. I have not for one second during any of this, felt she has had our best interest in mind. She never contacts my sister, never tells her what to expect, only answers to emails when she feels obligated. My question is simple, isn't she always obligated?
We have met with the Stephen's family on several occasions. I know that my sister has done her best to forgive. I am trying to do the same. But somehow our personal forgiveness has possibly given the impression that we don't need or want justice. That is simply not the case. How can I ever look my nephews in the eyes and tell them what has happened is okay?
This legal finding of incompetency is a travesty. Daniel knows my sister and can remember from time to time conversations they have had. He knows to ask about the boys. He knows what he did that night. He knows he is guilty. His own mother told us on the way out of the courthouse last time, that she thought he was competent. Beyond that what else is there?
Their defense attorney keeps saying to the judge that he can not remember the accident. Who remembers any accident? Especially after drinking the entire night? How can that be used as a legal defense?
At this moment I am completely hopeless over the situation. All I have ever wanted is for this boy to stand up and admit his guilt and take his consequences. I am not advocating a harsh sentence. I am not saying he isn't sorry for what he did. It is a basic human right to demand accountability. Well it seems we can demand all we want, but justice isn't for everyone.
Since the accident, this boy (after 2+ years he is now a man), has graduated high school and gotten himself a job at an insurance company. The courts say he is incompetent because he has short term memory loss. He also does not remember the accident. I wish my sister didn't remember the accident. Didn't remember holding her husbands hand while he died. But she does.
I feel completely at a loss. I am afraid we are letting Steve down. We are letting his sons down. And maybe at the core I am somehow letting my sister down. There has to be more we can do. I am angry at the District Attorney. I have not for one second during any of this, felt she has had our best interest in mind. She never contacts my sister, never tells her what to expect, only answers to emails when she feels obligated. My question is simple, isn't she always obligated?
We have met with the Stephen's family on several occasions. I know that my sister has done her best to forgive. I am trying to do the same. But somehow our personal forgiveness has possibly given the impression that we don't need or want justice. That is simply not the case. How can I ever look my nephews in the eyes and tell them what has happened is okay?
This legal finding of incompetency is a travesty. Daniel knows my sister and can remember from time to time conversations they have had. He knows to ask about the boys. He knows what he did that night. He knows he is guilty. His own mother told us on the way out of the courthouse last time, that she thought he was competent. Beyond that what else is there?
Their defense attorney keeps saying to the judge that he can not remember the accident. Who remembers any accident? Especially after drinking the entire night? How can that be used as a legal defense?
At this moment I am completely hopeless over the situation. All I have ever wanted is for this boy to stand up and admit his guilt and take his consequences. I am not advocating a harsh sentence. I am not saying he isn't sorry for what he did. It is a basic human right to demand accountability. Well it seems we can demand all we want, but justice isn't for everyone.
Monday, May 12, 2008
Reflection
The reflection of a ghost
Stares back at me
A life unfinished, a sad fate
Searching for a truth, that no one holds.
Beckoning for recognition
Pleading for a voice
The heart a vanquished space
Of a story without an end.
Answer me, hear me, see me,
The voice calls
Through the pleading eyes
And ghostly flickering and tricks
Will they hear him?
Do they know?
Without catching the reflection
He has no space.
The eerie fading truth
Is the silence of the night
The light illusions
Too quick for the busy mind
He is here.
I am slow and quiet.
I recognize, in this obscure image
my family, my friend.
Stares back at me
A life unfinished, a sad fate
Searching for a truth, that no one holds.
Beckoning for recognition
Pleading for a voice
The heart a vanquished space
Of a story without an end.
Answer me, hear me, see me,
The voice calls
Through the pleading eyes
And ghostly flickering and tricks
Will they hear him?
Do they know?
Without catching the reflection
He has no space.
The eerie fading truth
Is the silence of the night
The light illusions
Too quick for the busy mind
He is here.
I am slow and quiet.
I recognize, in this obscure image
my family, my friend.
Saturday, May 10, 2008
Redemption
Well, we watched Kite Runner last night. I had read the book a few years back and I loved it all over again last night. The movies are never as good as the book, but only because you can not get the same level of involvement or detail. It did give me the same message which I find so hopeful and uplifting.
I believe the message Khaled Hosseini is trying to make is that we will always have opportunities to right our wrongs. I believe the universe brings these opportunities to us again and again, until we get it right. What a fabulous thing!
If you believe this, it means that our mistakes do not define us. Or at least they don't have to. I don't believe that the same people will give you numerous opportunities to get things right. You can only hurt someone so many times. But the same lesson can be learned with different people.
That is not to say, that we won't leave this life with things left undone. I am sure that my brother in law, Steve, would have fixed many things in his life if he had known he had such a short time. He didn't have the same life cycle that many people, who live long lives, have.
I am convince though, that given the time, we will be granted an infinite number of opportunities to get things right. It gives me a very happy and peaceful feeling to know that every new day, can be done differently than the last.
I can look at my past, as recently as yesterday, and figure out what I can do better today. Our redemption is only as far away as our recognition of our mistakes, and the desire to do better. I love that thought, it makes me feel very secure in myself. I know I screw up, but it's the same thing I tell my kids all the time. It's what you do afterwards that matters.
I believe the message Khaled Hosseini is trying to make is that we will always have opportunities to right our wrongs. I believe the universe brings these opportunities to us again and again, until we get it right. What a fabulous thing!
If you believe this, it means that our mistakes do not define us. Or at least they don't have to. I don't believe that the same people will give you numerous opportunities to get things right. You can only hurt someone so many times. But the same lesson can be learned with different people.
That is not to say, that we won't leave this life with things left undone. I am sure that my brother in law, Steve, would have fixed many things in his life if he had known he had such a short time. He didn't have the same life cycle that many people, who live long lives, have.
I am convince though, that given the time, we will be granted an infinite number of opportunities to get things right. It gives me a very happy and peaceful feeling to know that every new day, can be done differently than the last.
I can look at my past, as recently as yesterday, and figure out what I can do better today. Our redemption is only as far away as our recognition of our mistakes, and the desire to do better. I love that thought, it makes me feel very secure in myself. I know I screw up, but it's the same thing I tell my kids all the time. It's what you do afterwards that matters.
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