Miles and Miles of Lavender

Fabulous week… really FABULOUS, it’s was Spring Break for the kids so my sister and I took them all on a car trip to the Grand Canyon. 2360 miles round trip! First day, we went to Albuquerque, my dad lives there, and stayed two nights with our family.

Just so you know, if you stop at a weigh station on the side of the road, they really won’t weigh you…even if you explain to them you’ve been on a diet and working really hard to lose weight, they still won’t, regulations…you need to be a truck, blah blah blah. Then we left for Flagstaff, AZ.

When my sister and I do car trips it’s much better if there are no men present, especially men with a PLAN. Little boys don’t really count, we are raising them to be free thinkers and GO with the FLOW! Which is, by the way, what we named my phones GPS… FLOis.

We like to see the sights on the side of the road… two headed cow, we’re there… giant crater, OH YEAH!! Petrified National Forest, who wants to miss that?

FLOis was terribly entertaining as we ventured off course at every available opportunity.
FLOis- “Recalculating route… you are not on a marked road… make a u-turn at the next possible place.” Sorry FLOis, taking the unmarked path is ALWAYS the best way to see the world.

So, we saw the Grand Canyon, the meteor crater, the Petrified National Forest, and the Out of Africa Safari in the middle of NOWHERE, AZ! But the best place of all… Sedona, Az. The Metaphysical Capitol of the WORLD!

I have INCREDIBLE news!! I am NOT Autistic, nor do I have Asperger’s disease as my darling great Auntie diagnosed me after reading the March 18th Blog… Nope, no diseases or afflictions.

I AM A LAVENDER!!!

Sister and I had our Auras read. They take you into a little room and have you look into a camera. Then you place your left hand on a sensor pad and it takes your picture. Ten minutes later you have a 22 page Aura Chakra Report.

My main Aura Color, which reflects my personality type and traits is Lavender. Lavenders are imaginative, mystical, fantastical, soft, fragile, sensitive, often spacey and ethereal.

Lavenders dislike being confronted with reality. They are creative thinkers. They need creative and artistic expressions to recharge their batteries. They are unpredictable, spontaneous, need solitude and are not always practical. They only have a few close friends and need visionary people who can see the potential in their ideas.

Lavenders are fun to be around but can be somewhat scattered! They work the best in quiet environments and would be attracted to occupations such as storyteller, artist, writer, actor, dancer. Need I say more?? I am TOTALLY a lavender!

My chakras are all out of whack though… I have very low energy. I think this is two fold. One, I was on a 2000 mile driving trip with four kids… how much energy could I possibly have? And Dos, I haven’t recharged my battery with ANY type of artistic anything in a really long time.

My heart chakra, which corresponds to unconditional love, self-love and forgiveness is my smallest, weakest chakra. I’m not really surprised by this, lets just say I need to work on these areas.

I know the realists in this world (darling hubby) laugh at me when I talk about this stuff. All I can say is, they took a picture of me, and validated all of the feelings I have been having lately about myself. One of the sentences in the report says, "Some Lavenders may feel guilty or inadequate because of their unorthodox behavior." THERE WAS A FARMER, HAD A DOG AND BINGO WAS HIS NAME-O.

My Aura Chakra report tells anyone who wants to read it what to expect from me. It’s in my opinion DEAD ON! When I am running away from reality, sitting in my loft in imaginary worlds created by me, or seemingly drifting away from a conversation, there is a reason and it’s very simple…its who I am. Like it or not.

Oodles of Loodles!

So all pouty face poor me from yesterday aside, today was a fabulous day! Other than the fact that my little girl threw up in gym class... but that's a whole 'nother blog...

One of the things I do at my kid's school is set up assemblies. I am privileged to be able to pick which parts of their little brains to stimulate, or what experience to give them once a month, all year long! It's fabulous!!

There are four of us who help with this part of school we call Enrichment. Enriching their lives, giving them access to things they wouldn't normally get in the typical school day. So far this year we've had The Denver Zoo, The Denver Museum of Nature and Science, (who did an assembly on all the yucky things our bodies do!) The Fort Carson Singers for a Christmas performance, an incredible Veterans Day assembly, Irish Dance and TODAY??!!!

Mark Ludy! Children's author and illustrator. Here's his link, CLICK HERE, seriously... click it... you have to see it... go on! Mark has written these incredible books, like The Farmer and The Grump and his newest Jujo'. The stories themselves would be fascinating and interesting even without the illustrations, but the PICTURES?!! They are unbelievable!

Not only is Mark an author and illustrator, but he's a fantastic speaker as well. We started the morning off with a short talk to the teachers. Mark shared with us his motivational views on living with the thought of what's REALLY important in our daily lives. What are we giving back to the people around us, especially to the kids? When we die, what do we leave behind? What will people say we gave them?

He told us about his favorite teacher when he was a kid going to school at Lewis Palmer Elementary, how she gave him the love of a story. For the first time, he picked up a book and realized you could dive right in to the story and live a different reality as long as you had the book open. The book he first loved... Where the Red Fern Grows!

I connected so well with what he was saying, I remember all of my favorite books, Judy Blume, Beverly Cleary. I still love every opportunity to read myself into a new reality, pick up a new story... and it's something I've really wanted to give my kids.

But, as so many things, my oldest was not willing to take it from me. He needed his teacher, the MOST FABULOUS second grade teacher in the world, to give him the love of stories. Now my kid comes home nearly every week, so excited to tell me what new book Mr. S. is reading to him. His best days? ~the one's Mr. S reads for an extra long time!!

They just finished reading, "How to Eat Fried Worms," and when he came home yesterday, this is what I got,

"Mom, I really REALLY need (best friend's name goes here) to come over tonight."

"Why?" Boy looks down, sheepish grin crosses his face. I'm on to him! I know he's up to something.

"We made a bet."

"What kind of bet?"

"He bet me, he could eat 30 worms."

"Gross! Why would he do that?"

"Cuz if he does it, I have to pay him $100!"

"You don't even have $100."

"Yes, I do. I saved my allowance."

The funny thing here is, he really has saved $100. Normally, it's like pulling teeth for him to spend any of his own money. There's no way he can part with any of it. But apparently, for an eight year old boy, seeing your best friend ingest 30 worms, TOTALLY worth $100!!

I emailed Fabulous Teacher and told him this story and his reply was, "I told them not to eat any worms... I guess books really do inspire!"

Yes, they do. And more than that, teachers inspire and authors inspire, and hopefully in some subconscious way that 8 year old boys don't actually have to admit... parents inspire. I knew I would enjoy my day today. Nothing is more fun for me than to see little minds excited about new ideas... but I actually came away with even more than I had imagined. I came home remembering to focus on what's important, and to be mindful of what I am "giving" to my kids and all the other people I encounter.

Thank you, Mark Ludy for giving me such a GREAT day, and by the way... I'm scheduling a mental health day, to take a trip to Loodles... anyone want to come with me??

Solitary Confined Cheerleader

Spring Break can not come too soon! I'm tired. Seriously, to the bone, tired. Tired of listening. Tired of talking. Tired of trying to make people happy. Tired of working things out. Tired of being positive. TIRED!!

I miss my alone in the loft writing with a bottle of wine by my side, ME. The girl who loses herself in a sentence for two hours until she sees the bus stopping in front of the house dropping off the kids. The girl who waits two hours when she really, really, REALLY, has to pee because she can't pull herself away from the click click click of her own typing. The girl who sits in the silence.

Writing is truly the part of me, I like the best. I miss all of it.

I haven't even tried to write any of the ongoing projects. I need to reread everything I've written before I can even begin, and by the time I'm done with reading, my time is up... I need to be able to dive in, head first, remember the stories, meet the characters again. I just don't have the time right now.

My son just finished his basketball season. It was eight weeks. I didn't even try to meet any of the other parents. I went to the games and cheered him on and then left. No time or desire to meet or care about anyone new. BIG SECRET -- I didn't even bring snacks, not once... nothing.

My little girl is starting soccer. The good news is, I already know all the parents. I know them, but do they know me?? Do they know, I'm not really listening when they talk about their vacations, about their jobs, their spouse trouble? I can't really help myself. My mind is too full of other things.

I actually find it odd when people can be involved in trivial conversations.

"So, how's the dog training coming?"

"OH, not so good. Benji peed on the carpet nine times yesterday!"

"You poor thing!"

"The vet thinks he may have a bladder infection."

I tuned out at Dog Training.

I often wonder, if my present personality were evaluated what the diagnosis would be, not ADD or ADHD, I'm not OCD (well, maybe a little). Honestly, I think other than down right RUDE, I might be considered somewhat Autistic. Autism by definition means: a developmental disorder marked by impaired social interactions, communication difficulties.

I have learned to cope. I can play the game. But really, I live too much in my own head. In my Happy Place. Somewhere, where I don't have to be social or gracious or polite, where I don't have to engage in idol chatter, somewhere deep in my imagination where no one cares what I say or do or expects anything from me.

Pretty shocking admission from a former Cheerleader, isn't it.

Goiters and Girl Scout Cookies

I just found out I have a FREE day!! There isn’t one single thing I HAVE to do today. It was planned differently, Smarty Pants and I had plans to do Boot design on the front entry display case at the school, but plans change.

Smarty Pants is sick, she has a goiter… um… lymph node, swollen in her neck. Her exact words were, “It looks like I swallowed an egg!” I can’t wait to hear the phone call when she reads this!


SP “What the hell is wrong with you? Why would you write about my goiter?”

ME “Can’t help myself… it’s funny.”

SP “Would it be funny if it was your goiter?”

ME “Absolutely not.”


If this were DH (darling hubby) with a swollen lymph node in his neck, the world would stop rotating. That’s what happens when he’s sick. SERIOUSLY, the world stops rotating! It stays the same time of day for 48 hours. No one works or goes to school. Everyone must pay attention to the sick guy. Smarty Pants still has a full day of activities including dance for her daughter and lunch with a friend. You GO GIRL!!!

I on the other hand have nothing to do… I can’t even remember what this feels like. Now don’t get me wrong. There are grocery store needs, and laundry piles, and dust accumulating around the house, but none of this really affects anyone but ME!

So what do I do on a day when I can choose anything I want to do?

I started out on a walk with Cujo. He tried to eat the neighbor. I hollered at the neighbor as he ran away screaming, “We have a new trainer, we’re trying REALLY HARD!!” He didn’t seem to care.

I came home and did my new “Crunchless Abs” DVD. When I was finished, I felt like nothing much had happened, so I did “Abs of Steel” too. Now my stomach hurts and I feel like I could throw up.

I read all my favorite blogs and decided to write one of my own… that’s what I’m doing now… duh…

Next, I think I’ll either take inventory of the Girl Scout cookies still in my house, or I’ll spend a couple hours wasting time on FaceBook. Maybe, I’ll do BOTH!

I like days like this… I think I’ll be pretty happy today as soon as my Abs stop cramping. Hey Smarty Pants, Hope you feel better SOON!!! :)

Trickery and Blackmail

Whose idea was it for me to chair the Boot?? Oh yeah! Smarty Pants is to blame!

Had a tough fundraising day when we realized our binder for what we've spent on this little shindig is as fat as a toad, and the binder which makes us money... well there's one little, lonely piece of paper in it, which I actually think is more of a guideline on how to utilize the binder system than any actual donated item!

It's time to bring out the big guns. I am not above blackmail. Those interesting pictures I have of you from one of the Smarty Pants, Slippers parties... yep... we're gonna auction those off! Did you at one time tell me in confidence some little story you planned on me taking to my grave? Well GET ME A DONATION or I'm gonna TELL!

I hate to be like this. Really, I do. I prefer the much softer and kinder Slippers, but difficult times call for drastic measures. I'm having nightmares!

Serious, scary nightmares where I actually have a JOB! One that I hate and have to come in to every morning at 8:00AM. One where I have to sit through BOARD meetings, smiling and nodding and gritting my teeth. One where the mundane, idiotic, red tape paperwork piles higher and higher and higher in my cramped, crappy, cubicle with no windows! Nightmares where I come home from a long day and sit my ever enlarging ass on the sofa to watch THE BACHELOR of all awful things!!!

ARRGGHHH!!! I can't take it! Please make a donation to your favorite school. Put me back in my fabulous, artistic, writers happy place! PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE! See not even afraid to beg!

Frank Sent This

I spent the day reading a fabulous book, The Middle Place by Kelly Corrigan. I loved it. It made me really consider my childhood and more importantly, my kids.

Then I was listening to a speech given by Sir Ken Robinson, who is considered a “Creativity Expert”. I want that title. I wonder how you get it…

His speech, which can be found here, is 20 minutes but seriously interesting and entertaining. If you have the time, check it out. His theory, about our educational system, is about how schools kill our children’s creativity.

He tells a story about a boy in The Nativity play at school and how the kings entered the room. The first one said, “I bring you gold,” the second spoke out of turn and said “I bring you myrrh” and the third spoke up and said, “Frank sent this.” Its funny but his point was that little kids don’t really worry about being wrong. They take a stab at it.

He says, kids all start out creative, willing to take a chance at being wrong and by the time they are adults we’ve taken that willingness away. He says, “If you’re not prepared to be wrong, you’ll never come up with anything original.”

“We’ve been educated to be good workers, rather than creative thinkers.”

I don’t want this for my kids. I know I am guilty of it myself. I think reading and writing are the most important. I want my kids to be exceptional readers and writers. What if they’re just not? Are they not as valuable as basketball players or dancers? What if they want to paint, or act?

Kelly Corrigan’s book struck me because her father made her feel like she was the most special person in every situation. She recognized as an adult it was his gift to do that with every person he met, but for a child, that really doesn’t matter. The only person she saw or cared about was herself. He instilled self-confidence and empowerment in her by never letting her be wrong.

I want my kids to take chances… I want to take chances. Don’t get me wrong, it’s hard to see the greatness when they’ve taken a Sharpie to my white board and drawn all over it, or the chair in the bathroom, or the wall (I really should take the Sharpies and hide them). But what different people they might become, if everything they do is an attempt at some kind of greatness instead of just another childhood, punishable mistake…

Man Down!

Have you ever had one of those nights where every person you meet is so interesting they should be a character in a movie or book? No?… me neither, until Saturday night.

My girl Smarty Pants invited me to go out on the town with her BFF for the last 25 years and another gal they’ve been friends with for a long time. We’ll call her Shots, and I’ll tell you why a little later.

We had tickets to the Denver Center Performance of “Girls Only” a comedy show that includes singing, dancing, improv, little movie clips and other downright hilarious skits. When we arrived at the theatre we did what came naturally, and bellied up to the bar for a cocktail.

As we were imbibing we noticed a group of gals who clearly drew all the attention in the room. Gal #1, we’ll call her Pinkie, was dressed in a bright and shiny pink plastic bag that was cut down to her navel and rode up her thigh nearly showing the “happy landing” to the entire room. She had on matching pink gloves and shoes to complete the ensemble.

At first we all assumed she and her friends, who were equally noticeable, must be in the show. They all had on very interesting outfits which really should be referred to as costumes. Turns out, Pinkie’s getting married and all of her dress up friends joined her for a night out on the town to celebrate. It leads my mind to consider what in the world her wedding dress will look like. Too bad, I’ll never get to know.

After the hilarious show we hit the Denver bar scene. At the first bar we met up with a couple of guys who were more than happy to give us the bar tour around town. One of our new friends was leaving on a trip Monday to travel abroad for two months. His plan was to stay in Hostels and see as much of the world as he could.

As he was telling us this, I heard a gasp from one of the girls followed by an incredulous, “Have you gotten all your shots?” A moment passed and then we all burst out laughing. Our cover was blown. Yep, we really are just a bunch of mom’s who will no doubt worry about the health and well being of world travelers… Thus earning her the name “Shots” from here on out. (not what you were thinking, huh?)

After several more bars, dancing to some GREAT music, and watching as three policemen tried to get a vagrant off the street, we decided it was time to go for breakfast. It was 2am!! How time flies…

We left the last bar and headed out looking for a cab. As we were walking, Shots and BFF tripped and fell in the street. I immediately started yelling to Smarty Pants, “MAN DOWN! WE’VE GOT A MAN DOWN.” Smarty Pants was laughing so hard she nearly peed her pants. I’m seriously glad that didn’t happen, cuz she might have ruined her fabulous leopard skin shoes…

We got everyone back on their feet and found ourselves in a very interesting diner! The first thing I noticed was the bathroom doors were locked with a code…interesting…

After waiting a little bit we were finally seated in a booth right by the door. About two seconds later, a fascinating little man approached us. He was wearing jean overalls with a Tennessee T on the pocket and a red shirt. His belly can only be described as a perfectly round little sphere. He came up to our table in all his glory and addressed Smarty Pants in a very flamboyant and southern accent, “Girl, you should not be sitting in that outfit! That’s just too beautiful for sitting.”

“My God look at you girls,” pointing at each of us… “ Divine, Divine, Divine- can I borrow a cell phone.” I couldn’t help myself I had to laugh. He came back to the table a couple of times to entertain us with his exuberance and then as suddenly as he came, he disappeared.

We left the restaurant around 3:30AM! Smarty Pant’s Mama told her, “Nothin’ good happens after 1AM,” but in this case she was wrong. We hailed ourselves a cab and were ready to go settle in for the night…but not before the cabdriver gave us a serious talking to. He was white haired, with glasses and had a twinkle in his eye as he started in, “What the hell are you girls doing in that dump?”

“Huh?… uh…” was the response from all four of us.

“That was probably the worst place you could have ever gone. VAGRANTS eat in there.” I wondered how the vagrants paid for their food. “Did you notice the locks on the bathrooms?… so they can’t go in there and shoot up! Don’t you ever go in there, again. If I had picked you up, I would have taken you to a nice place. There’s a real nice place right by your hotel.”

He continued to malign us all the way back to the hotel. Okay, so our choice of diner wasn’t the best… we still had a FABULOUS time. We laughed all night long, and at 11:00 the next day as we tried to rouse ourselves to leave the hotel, we laughed about it all again. There is no place more fascinating to meet people than Denver!

If anyone reading this has had the thought, “These four ladies have no business wondering around Downtown Denver until the wee hours of the morning…” let me just direct you to this little link to make you feel a little better.