Went for a run this morning and for a second I thought I’d stepped through the magical wardrobe into a whole new world. We got a good foot or so of snow last night. This morning however the sun was shining so I decided to venture out. I told DH if it was too cold I’d only go around the block and come back.
I picked my clothing carefully… running pants and top covered by a LES sweatshirt, warm ear covering and bright PINK gloves. The pink makes me feel happy.
I headed out listing to my iPod play Diva, “I’m a, I’m a, I’m a, a diva. A Diva is a female version of a hustler…” It starts me out… well… in the right mood…
I turned the corner from our street out to the main road and that’s when it happened, the entire world turned into a fabulous, magical portrait. I was running down the black top, which was met, on either side, by a perfect white blanket of snow that sparkled in the sunlight. The trees lined on both sides of the street are pine trees and the green of their needles looked vastly different with the contrast of the white snow, which lay delicately on each branch. The colors were startling and incredible.
Just as I was trying to take in this perfect picture that is my home, the wind blew ever so slightly and glitter flew down from the trees dusting me gently with snowflakes. I looked up to notice the perfect blue of the sky peeking out from the forest green branches of the trees…
Smoking COW!!
Um… necessary side bar… my daughter came up with Smoking Cow when she was two. Apparently, I say Holy Smokes or Holy Cow a lot when I’m talking. So one day we went to visit my grandma who lives on the eight floor of her building. When we stepped off the elevator, my daughter looked out the window and exclaimed, “Smoking Cow we’re up high!” It has become my favorite expression of wonder and awe…
Needless to say, I ran the whole four miles. When I got to our big open field and turned the corner to be completely surrounded by mountains with the vast open space, a perfect shining carpet of white for miles, I thought about God. I could have been sitting in a church today, listening to a sermon about morality or the rules or path to enlightenment, but I have to tell you… nothing would have made me feel closer, nothing could have been more real to me than what I experienced in the ONLY church, I know for a fact God created.
Showing posts with label Religion. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Religion. Show all posts
Sunday, April 5, 2009
Sunday, January 25, 2009
Painting
One snowy white morning, I was driving my kids to school when my son shared with me his friends idea of a snow covered day. She told him God decided he wanted to paint that day so by morning, he had turned everything totally white. He could start over and spend the whole day painting the world all the beautiful colors for a second time.
That's the way it works in Colorado. You wake up to the entire world covered in white and by the afternoon, all the colors are back. It's a nice image to think of God with a giant paintbrush taking his time to color all the world back the way he likes it.
If this is the way it works then God decided to start with Gray this morning. I got up at 7:00AM and went out to walk our old dog. We can't let him out by himself anymore or he wanders away. I don't really know if he's out exploring the world or if he follows his nose and ends up lost. I tend to think the latter.
It reminds me of the time when I was in high school, my mom and I were driving past an old folks home that had a wide open field next to it. Out in the field, an old woman in a robe and slippers was running as fast as her 80 year old legs would take her. Not far behind were the nurses trying to catch her. I was sure, in my infinite wisdom of 17, she was enjoying a moment of freedom. Now it occurs to me she may have been lost and desperately trying to figure out where she belonged.
For this reason, I completely enjoy giving my dog our time out in the morning. He takes his time sniffing around, as if things might have changed since the night before, occasionally looking back just to make sure I'm still there... making sure I don't get lost.
This morning while we were out I noticed the quiet, then I noticed the gray. The trees were gray and the ground was gray. The entire sky was gray, with a mist of low hanging gray clouds completely erasing the mountains we live by. I honestly couldn't see one single thing that wasn't gray.
I thought about my kid's friend for a moment, then I thought about how much I would appreciate all the colors when God got done painting later today.
That's the way it works in Colorado. You wake up to the entire world covered in white and by the afternoon, all the colors are back. It's a nice image to think of God with a giant paintbrush taking his time to color all the world back the way he likes it.
If this is the way it works then God decided to start with Gray this morning. I got up at 7:00AM and went out to walk our old dog. We can't let him out by himself anymore or he wanders away. I don't really know if he's out exploring the world or if he follows his nose and ends up lost. I tend to think the latter.
It reminds me of the time when I was in high school, my mom and I were driving past an old folks home that had a wide open field next to it. Out in the field, an old woman in a robe and slippers was running as fast as her 80 year old legs would take her. Not far behind were the nurses trying to catch her. I was sure, in my infinite wisdom of 17, she was enjoying a moment of freedom. Now it occurs to me she may have been lost and desperately trying to figure out where she belonged.
For this reason, I completely enjoy giving my dog our time out in the morning. He takes his time sniffing around, as if things might have changed since the night before, occasionally looking back just to make sure I'm still there... making sure I don't get lost.
This morning while we were out I noticed the quiet, then I noticed the gray. The trees were gray and the ground was gray. The entire sky was gray, with a mist of low hanging gray clouds completely erasing the mountains we live by. I honestly couldn't see one single thing that wasn't gray.
I thought about my kid's friend for a moment, then I thought about how much I would appreciate all the colors when God got done painting later today.
Saturday, May 10, 2008
Redemption
Well, we watched Kite Runner last night. I had read the book a few years back and I loved it all over again last night. The movies are never as good as the book, but only because you can not get the same level of involvement or detail. It did give me the same message which I find so hopeful and uplifting.
I believe the message Khaled Hosseini is trying to make is that we will always have opportunities to right our wrongs. I believe the universe brings these opportunities to us again and again, until we get it right. What a fabulous thing!
If you believe this, it means that our mistakes do not define us. Or at least they don't have to. I don't believe that the same people will give you numerous opportunities to get things right. You can only hurt someone so many times. But the same lesson can be learned with different people.
That is not to say, that we won't leave this life with things left undone. I am sure that my brother in law, Steve, would have fixed many things in his life if he had known he had such a short time. He didn't have the same life cycle that many people, who live long lives, have.
I am convince though, that given the time, we will be granted an infinite number of opportunities to get things right. It gives me a very happy and peaceful feeling to know that every new day, can be done differently than the last.
I can look at my past, as recently as yesterday, and figure out what I can do better today. Our redemption is only as far away as our recognition of our mistakes, and the desire to do better. I love that thought, it makes me feel very secure in myself. I know I screw up, but it's the same thing I tell my kids all the time. It's what you do afterwards that matters.
I believe the message Khaled Hosseini is trying to make is that we will always have opportunities to right our wrongs. I believe the universe brings these opportunities to us again and again, until we get it right. What a fabulous thing!
If you believe this, it means that our mistakes do not define us. Or at least they don't have to. I don't believe that the same people will give you numerous opportunities to get things right. You can only hurt someone so many times. But the same lesson can be learned with different people.
That is not to say, that we won't leave this life with things left undone. I am sure that my brother in law, Steve, would have fixed many things in his life if he had known he had such a short time. He didn't have the same life cycle that many people, who live long lives, have.
I am convince though, that given the time, we will be granted an infinite number of opportunities to get things right. It gives me a very happy and peaceful feeling to know that every new day, can be done differently than the last.
I can look at my past, as recently as yesterday, and figure out what I can do better today. Our redemption is only as far away as our recognition of our mistakes, and the desire to do better. I love that thought, it makes me feel very secure in myself. I know I screw up, but it's the same thing I tell my kids all the time. It's what you do afterwards that matters.
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
Finding God in a Field
I am inspired to write about God. I know this is a tricky subject but as this is my blog, I am entitled to write about anything I want. That’s the best thing about writing a blog. And because none of you ever comment, I feel as though no one reads it. It is mine alone.
I am a person without a religion, but I have my God. There have been two occasions in my life when God was a direct presence. I will tell about the first. I knew it was Her. I’m not all about calling my God, Him all the time, I think He could just as easily be a She.
The first was when I was 21. I was a very reckless teen, right up until the incident. I got a fake ID when I was 18. I honestly just wanted to dance in the clubs. It was a terrible ID. Some woman at the restaurant I worked in left it at the bar. My manager thought it looked a little like me so he gave it to me. She didn’t look anything like me. I had really short hair and the woman in the picture had long hair. That’s the only thing anyone ever commented on, “oh, you cut your hair.”
When I turned 21, the dancing turned very abruptly into drinking. I loved to drive fast after a night at the bar. After my more recent history, that terrifies me now. One night, a friend of mine was driving my car because I was doing shots. She drove herself home, with me passed out in the seat next to her. When we arrived, she woke me to hand me the keys, and send me on my way.
I was lost and drunk. I remember realizing I was going the wrong direction. It was raining, hard. I flipped a bitch in the middle of the street, in the rain, and managed to slam my car into a utility pole. My seat broke backwards and my head crashed through the back windshield.
I don’t remember crashing. I don’t remember flying through the windshield. What I remember is my affirmation that there is a God. I knew there was rain, and I knew I should feel cold, but I felt very warm and safe. I know this is cliché’ I don’t really care. There was a very bright light in my memory and the reassuring voice of God, telling me I would be okay.
I know, the skeptics say, that it was the firemen or EMT’s trying to reassure me. But I know, without a doubt in my mind, that it was God.
The only other bit of evidence I have to offer is even more of a mystery. When my mom arrived at the hospital, after being called out of her sleep to come to my aid, a policeman told her he saw me out of the car wondering around in the field. I was never out of the car. The rescue team had to use the Jaws of Life to get me out of the car. I don’t remember any of that, but I saw the car afterwards.
I don’t know if it was my soul, wondering in that field or if it was Her coming to my side, but it wasn’t me. I know I didn’t get out of that car on my own.
I am grateful I didn’t kill anyone that night. I am grateful I didn’t kill myself. I know that wasn’t my story. God tapped me on the shoulder, and I knew I had to pay attention. My story isn’t completely told. There are chapter’s no one knows but me. I am saddened when I hear a friend or a loved one tell me there is no God. I know they are wrong and I wonder, why hasn’t God made Himself known to them? I may never know, but my inclination is, He has, they just may not have been listening.
I am a person without a religion, but I have my God. There have been two occasions in my life when God was a direct presence. I will tell about the first. I knew it was Her. I’m not all about calling my God, Him all the time, I think He could just as easily be a She.
The first was when I was 21. I was a very reckless teen, right up until the incident. I got a fake ID when I was 18. I honestly just wanted to dance in the clubs. It was a terrible ID. Some woman at the restaurant I worked in left it at the bar. My manager thought it looked a little like me so he gave it to me. She didn’t look anything like me. I had really short hair and the woman in the picture had long hair. That’s the only thing anyone ever commented on, “oh, you cut your hair.”
When I turned 21, the dancing turned very abruptly into drinking. I loved to drive fast after a night at the bar. After my more recent history, that terrifies me now. One night, a friend of mine was driving my car because I was doing shots. She drove herself home, with me passed out in the seat next to her. When we arrived, she woke me to hand me the keys, and send me on my way.
I was lost and drunk. I remember realizing I was going the wrong direction. It was raining, hard. I flipped a bitch in the middle of the street, in the rain, and managed to slam my car into a utility pole. My seat broke backwards and my head crashed through the back windshield.
I don’t remember crashing. I don’t remember flying through the windshield. What I remember is my affirmation that there is a God. I knew there was rain, and I knew I should feel cold, but I felt very warm and safe. I know this is cliché’ I don’t really care. There was a very bright light in my memory and the reassuring voice of God, telling me I would be okay.
I know, the skeptics say, that it was the firemen or EMT’s trying to reassure me. But I know, without a doubt in my mind, that it was God.
The only other bit of evidence I have to offer is even more of a mystery. When my mom arrived at the hospital, after being called out of her sleep to come to my aid, a policeman told her he saw me out of the car wondering around in the field. I was never out of the car. The rescue team had to use the Jaws of Life to get me out of the car. I don’t remember any of that, but I saw the car afterwards.
I don’t know if it was my soul, wondering in that field or if it was Her coming to my side, but it wasn’t me. I know I didn’t get out of that car on my own.
I am grateful I didn’t kill anyone that night. I am grateful I didn’t kill myself. I know that wasn’t my story. God tapped me on the shoulder, and I knew I had to pay attention. My story isn’t completely told. There are chapter’s no one knows but me. I am saddened when I hear a friend or a loved one tell me there is no God. I know they are wrong and I wonder, why hasn’t God made Himself known to them? I may never know, but my inclination is, He has, they just may not have been listening.
Friday, April 4, 2008
Evangelicals Among Us
I had an opportunity last night to sit with 10 other women and discuss religion. It was a phenomenal group and I was extremely pleased with the energy and overall tone of acceptance. We all came with different backgrounds and experience that led us to our beliefs and understandings of not only religions but also our faiths. I have been thinking about it all morning.
I really enjoy situations like last night, where intelligent people can discover each other’s opinions and insights in an unthreatening manner. I was probably the most threatening person in the group, constantly asking for more information and prying into the personal beliefs of these women. No one seemed offended and no one told me to mind my own business, so I happily delved as far as possible.
The part I found most fascinating is they all held very strong beliefs. Even the women that don’t have religious beliefs held strongly to their point of view. No one, not one single woman in the group, claimed to be “right”. I thought this was incredible. I know that in our hearts we all believe ourselves to be right, why would we hold on to any idea that we were unsure about? But in this gathering of confident, articulate women, no one felt the need to force their ideas on anyone else.
Don’t get me wrong, there was some preaching, some definite ideas of how things should be done, but through it all, it really felt like the women understood that this subject is very personal. I guess that’s why so many people have a hard time talking about it.
We had a segue that specifically dealt with the idea of evangelizing to others. Some felt that it’s just inappropriate to try and sway people toward your point of view. I argued that maybe it’s not in the presentation of the information that is at fault, but on the receiving end. If you don’t want to hear it, kindly say so.
The questions become, is it evangelizing when you are telling people what you believe and why? Or is it in the tone that it is offered? Are you trying to persuade me with your ideas or simply sharing more about yourself? Is it only okay when you are specifically asked?
I think that when voicing our opinions we are always trying to persuade. It doesn’t mean that I should be offended. It doesn’t mean that I will change my point of view. I simply appreciate the opportunity to hear others thoughts and feeling about important subjects. I enjoy knowing how they got to that understanding or belief. I thank these women for sharing with me. I am richer today because of them.
I really enjoy situations like last night, where intelligent people can discover each other’s opinions and insights in an unthreatening manner. I was probably the most threatening person in the group, constantly asking for more information and prying into the personal beliefs of these women. No one seemed offended and no one told me to mind my own business, so I happily delved as far as possible.
The part I found most fascinating is they all held very strong beliefs. Even the women that don’t have religious beliefs held strongly to their point of view. No one, not one single woman in the group, claimed to be “right”. I thought this was incredible. I know that in our hearts we all believe ourselves to be right, why would we hold on to any idea that we were unsure about? But in this gathering of confident, articulate women, no one felt the need to force their ideas on anyone else.
Don’t get me wrong, there was some preaching, some definite ideas of how things should be done, but through it all, it really felt like the women understood that this subject is very personal. I guess that’s why so many people have a hard time talking about it.
We had a segue that specifically dealt with the idea of evangelizing to others. Some felt that it’s just inappropriate to try and sway people toward your point of view. I argued that maybe it’s not in the presentation of the information that is at fault, but on the receiving end. If you don’t want to hear it, kindly say so.
The questions become, is it evangelizing when you are telling people what you believe and why? Or is it in the tone that it is offered? Are you trying to persuade me with your ideas or simply sharing more about yourself? Is it only okay when you are specifically asked?
I think that when voicing our opinions we are always trying to persuade. It doesn’t mean that I should be offended. It doesn’t mean that I will change my point of view. I simply appreciate the opportunity to hear others thoughts and feeling about important subjects. I enjoy knowing how they got to that understanding or belief. I thank these women for sharing with me. I am richer today because of them.
Thursday, January 31, 2008
Being
I have trouble being. I must always be doing and my doing better be producing something with value.
(Side Track) I love my house. As I sit here at my computer I can see out the window from 3 stories up. I live in a raised ranch, so basement sits on the ground, living area is one flight up, and loft, my office, is at the top. This is my favorite place to be.
The room is filled with things I love. My favorite pictures, my favorite books and even my favorite couch. When I look out the window a feeling of peace fills me. All I see are trees covered so perfectly with snow that it seems that they were decorated just for my benefit. .
If I sit here long enough, I will see Foxy Roxy our neighborhood red fox trot down the street with a mouse or, sadly, the neighbors cat, draped delicately out of his mouth. Pretty soon the deer family will pass by. Uncle buck so big and regal and Auntie Doe fluffy, fat showing off her new winter coat. And finally if I am here long enough Sam the neighbors brown Labrador will undoubtedly come and crap in my yard.
If I sit here long enough I will see all of God’s creatures passing through. None of them, I imagine, are making plans for the day. They are just being.
My father’s side of the family has a grandmother that was pure Cherokee Indian. That’s what my dad says anyway, and I believe him enough to not investigate thoroughly. He has my entire life talked about the Native Americans and their beliefs and traditions. So much so that I included a Cherokee Indian in my novel. I made up, everything that she said and her beliefs on wellness. Now I am afraid, that it is my responsibility to make sure what I have said makes perfect sense on their behalf.
I bought a couple of books on Cherokee Indians written by a Cherokee Indian. When I was standing in the bookstore I flipped open the book and read a passage. It was entitled Being and Doing. The book caught my attention when I read… “Still, one simple truth remains: We are not human doings, we are human beings.” *
Basically the overall message is that while we are doing all of the things that supposedly need to be done, we miss the time needed to focus on ourselves and our own thoughts. Only by reflecting on ourselves can we become better people. Not necessarily better doers, but more moral, more honest, and just.
The doers are just as important to make our society whole, but it is societal pressure that takes away from the being to constantly be doing. I feel that all the time. My writing is being myself. It is not really doing. If someday I become published and they ask me to write something specific then I am a doer. For now I need to focus on the stories that resonate within me. It is the writing for the sake of myself that is being.
It is now 7:30 and my children are waking up, I need to get them ready for school, I need to shovel the snow, make their breakfasts and their lunches. I need to get myself ready for my day. But right now, I am going to take two minutes to look out the window I love and wait for Sam to come crap in my yard.
*The Cherokee Full Circle A Practical Guide to Ceremonies and Traditions by J.T. Garrett and Michael Tlanusta Garrett
(Side Track) I love my house. As I sit here at my computer I can see out the window from 3 stories up. I live in a raised ranch, so basement sits on the ground, living area is one flight up, and loft, my office, is at the top. This is my favorite place to be.
The room is filled with things I love. My favorite pictures, my favorite books and even my favorite couch. When I look out the window a feeling of peace fills me. All I see are trees covered so perfectly with snow that it seems that they were decorated just for my benefit. .
If I sit here long enough, I will see Foxy Roxy our neighborhood red fox trot down the street with a mouse or, sadly, the neighbors cat, draped delicately out of his mouth. Pretty soon the deer family will pass by. Uncle buck so big and regal and Auntie Doe fluffy, fat showing off her new winter coat. And finally if I am here long enough Sam the neighbors brown Labrador will undoubtedly come and crap in my yard.
If I sit here long enough I will see all of God’s creatures passing through. None of them, I imagine, are making plans for the day. They are just being.
My father’s side of the family has a grandmother that was pure Cherokee Indian. That’s what my dad says anyway, and I believe him enough to not investigate thoroughly. He has my entire life talked about the Native Americans and their beliefs and traditions. So much so that I included a Cherokee Indian in my novel. I made up, everything that she said and her beliefs on wellness. Now I am afraid, that it is my responsibility to make sure what I have said makes perfect sense on their behalf.
I bought a couple of books on Cherokee Indians written by a Cherokee Indian. When I was standing in the bookstore I flipped open the book and read a passage. It was entitled Being and Doing. The book caught my attention when I read… “Still, one simple truth remains: We are not human doings, we are human beings.” *
Basically the overall message is that while we are doing all of the things that supposedly need to be done, we miss the time needed to focus on ourselves and our own thoughts. Only by reflecting on ourselves can we become better people. Not necessarily better doers, but more moral, more honest, and just.
The doers are just as important to make our society whole, but it is societal pressure that takes away from the being to constantly be doing. I feel that all the time. My writing is being myself. It is not really doing. If someday I become published and they ask me to write something specific then I am a doer. For now I need to focus on the stories that resonate within me. It is the writing for the sake of myself that is being.
It is now 7:30 and my children are waking up, I need to get them ready for school, I need to shovel the snow, make their breakfasts and their lunches. I need to get myself ready for my day. But right now, I am going to take two minutes to look out the window I love and wait for Sam to come crap in my yard.
*The Cherokee Full Circle A Practical Guide to Ceremonies and Traditions by J.T. Garrett and Michael Tlanusta Garrett
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