Climbing Mountains

It was 4am and I was standing on my front porch in the dark, praying that a mountain lion wouldn’t eat me before I had my chance to conquer the mountains. Two close friends, my sister and I were climbing Greys and Torreys, two of Colorado’s beautiful 14ers so we had to get an early start.

The night before, as I packed my bag, I wondered if I would really need my lipstick. I packed it anyway. As the four of us met to drive up together I told them I was all set - lipstick in hand. They all laughed but each of them had brought an unusual item. One of them also brought lipstick (we are very much alike), one brought her iPod with the flashlight application (it really didn’t shine very bright), and one… my sister, brought some of the ashes of her husband Steve.

We had a goal. Steve loved the outdoors. He loved climbing the highest mountains he could find. Lisa and Steve had a plan to climb one together. In a way, we were going to accomplish that today.

As we drove up in the dark, we laughed and talked about the day. We were all excited. The two friends had done this before but this was the first 14er for my sister and me. Lisa and I were excited and a little anxious. They made fun of me for drinking coffee on the way up, they were pretty sure this would become a problem later in the morning. I couldn’t help it, there’s no way I’m rising before dawn without a little Joe.

We started out on the trail just before 6 am. The sun was beginning to rise and we were relieved to see we wouldn’t need the iPod flashlight to show us the way. We all chatted. The path at the beginning is a very gradual climb. We had a pretty long stretch before we would be above tree line. After a short time, I noticed my sister wasn’t talking much. I thought she was thinking about the day. Turned out she couldn’t breathe very well and was struggling not to pass out.

The friends who had done this before quickly realized what was happening and gave her some time to rest. They assured her this was a journey and it wasn’t about how fast we did it, it was only about accomplishing our goal. We fed her a snack, gave her some water and started off again.

Throughout the first part of the climb we stopped often. Letting everyone catch their breath and getting acclimated to the altitude. Then as we rounded a corner in the hike, the mountains we were about to climb suddenly appeared before us. They looked very far away and beyond challenging. I remembered a line from a book I read recently, “The only way to eat an elephant is one bite at a time.” I was still excited and my adrenaline kept me moving forward.

I’m not sure of all the thoughts that went through Lisa’s head as we climbed. She only voiced a few.

“What the hell are we doing?”

“This is the stupidest thing we’ve ever done.”

“Look at all these happy ass people coming down.”

“Is she really running up this mountain in shorts? What the hell is wrong with that woman?”

“What have you bitches gotten me into?”

There were times when she was sincerely mad at us for getting her into the situation. The last time I saw that look on her face was in 6th grade when I wore her new Britanica jeans to field day and I fell and ripped them. She was pissed.

As we got towards the top of Greys, the wind picked up and it got really cold. I actually have never felt wind like that even when I lived in Kansas. I seriously thought for one second that it might blow me right off the mountain. I haven’t felt that light in a really long… well, EVER! It was fierce, almost like the last push to the top needed to be the hardest challenge any of us could bear.

During the hike I pretty much stayed in front the whole way, but as I knew we were about to summit I backed off. I wanted Lisa to be the first one up. She stepped up on the mountain and stood frozen to her spot for a moment. Then she turned around and we all started to cry.

We made it! It was freezing cold and the wind was whipping us about but we stood and took photos and then waited while Lisa retrieved Steve’s ashes from her backpack. She stood on the edge while we all watched, and let some of Steve’s ashes fly off the side of the mountain into the wind. Ashes to ashes, dust to dust… Steve would have been so proud of us.

We would have liked to stay on the mountain and revel in our success but we weren’t done yet. The saddleback to Torreys lay ahead. It looked very steep, but not nearly as far as standing at the bottom looking up at both of them. As we crossed the saddleback there was talk about heading back and not tackling the second mountain. As far as Lisa was concerned she’d done what she came for and didn’t need another hour climb. I knew before anyone else had decided that there was no way I was leaving without tackling Torreys as well.

I just kept walking and they all followed behind, BUT… not before I realized I SERIOUSLY had to pee! We had been above tree line for hours now and there wasn’t really any place to squat without bystanders. I was getting to the point where I didn’t really care who saw me pee, but as we came down the saddleback, I realized we were in a perfect spot. I called out to my other friend who I knew needed to go as badly as I did and we both dropped our drawers. There’s something really cool about peeing on the side of a mountain! I felt very manly!

Anyway, after the call of nature was complete we headed up the steep and rocky road to Torreys. Lisa was struggling. Finally, she gave up. She sat down and started to cry. I knew she was irritated. I also knew our friends would sit with her until she was ready to either continue on or give up. There was just one problem. There were dark clouds starting to roll in. I’m all about accomplishing my goals, but not when there is a great risk of being struck by lightening!! That’s the only time of the entire day when I contemplated giving up.

Lisa convinced us to continue up without her. We could move faster and hopefully beat the clouds. The one friend who has climbed the most 14ers convinced me these were snow clouds and not rain clouds. I sure hoped she was right. As we climbed we caught up with some guys who we had met on the other mountain. They asked if we had lost one of our friends. We said yes she was waiting down below, but when we turned to check on her we saw she was heading up behind us. We all started to cheer for her.

We all four made it to the top of Torreys together!

At the top there was a scroll to sign with our names and the date we climbed. I wrote my name and Lisa’s and then I wrote Steve Mitchell RIP 9-14-09. Lisa again opened the bag of ashes and let some more of Steve fly off of the mountain top and into the wind. I took a moment to really look around. It was incredible being up above all of the other mountains. It was so beautiful and peaceful. I can’t imagine a place Steve would love more.

We soon started back down. The journey down was actually harder for me than the trip up. All of the excitement and anticipation was behind me. It was snowy and slick and in some places treacherous. I didn’t enjoy stumbling and falling on the rocks and snow. We all laughed and made the best of it, but the only thing that really kept me going were the Mojitos I knew were waiting for us in the car and MAN were they worth it!!

My friends asked me if I thought that was harder than running the BolderBoulder. I had to think about it for a second. At the BolderBoulder I hit a wall. In mile 5 I was tired and didn’t think I could keep going. It was the hardest HOUR of my life, but this hike was 8 hours. It tested my endurance and although I never felt physically like I wouldn’t finish, it was by far the hardest thing I’ve ever done.

Afterwards we drove a little way down the mountain and found a good place to park. We all sat together, enjoyed a snack and our cocktails, and talked about our day. I remember after Steve died Lisa’s therapist told her that healing was similar to climbing a mountain. It would be difficult and long but she could make it to the top.

I am so proud of her for all that she has accomplished in the last three years. She was dealt a really shitty hand. Things have been so hard, but she has NEVER given up. She may bitch about the climb, she may even sit out once in a while thinking she’s done, but she always gets back up and continues on. I hope that in the tough times in my life I will have the strength she has had to always make it to the top. 　
　

Creepy Van Guy

Thanks to this years budget cuts, our new bus stop is nearly a mile from our house. Being the FABULOUS mom that I am, I make the kids walk it every morning. I actually pick them up in the car after school, cuz I think they’re probably tired, but in the morning I think a little walking is good for them. Yesterday, on our walk to the bus, a creepy looking guy in a white van pulls up next to us and rolls down his window.

Creepy grin, “No school today?”

“No, we have school. Just walking to the bus stop.” I reply.

Creepy guy looks at my kids and asks, “Do you want a ride?”

8-year-old son, “YEAH!”

Me, in shock and horror, “No thank you!” Staring at boy whose lost his mind!

Guy, “Opps, guess I asked the wrong one.” He drives off.

I am so surprised at first I don’t know what to say. Then I launch full on into psycho-mom, “ARE YOU CRAZY? You would take a ride from a complete stranger.”

Son: “Mom, he looked nice.”

First of all he didn’t look nice, but I realize that’s not the point. “I don’t care what he looks like, you don’t know him at all!” Then I give him the Ted Bundy example. “Ted Bundy was a really good looking guy. Totally normal looking. He would pretend he had a broken arm so women would help him and then he would throw them in the back of his van and kill them.”

Silence from the kids. Then son speaks up, “But mom, there aren’t any bad people around here.”

“Yes there are. I can guarantee you, there are bad people here too. You don’t ever EVER go with anyone you don’t know. And if someone gets out of a car and tries to grab you, you run. Fast! And scream loud!”

Son: “If someone tried to grab me or sister, I would fight him.”

I roll my eyes. “Listen to me! You can’t fight a grown man, or what if there’s two? You never let anyone get close enough to grab you, you RUN. Got it?”

He’s quiet now, I think it’s sinking in.

Today.

DH is walking with us, we get to the same spot where the guy stopped yesterday and son says, “This is the same spot where you yelled at me yesterday.”

I ask, “Well, what did you learn from yesterday?”

Son: “Bad guys drive vans.”

Yep! Stellar job parenting for me this week!! One quick note:

Dear Creepy Van Driving Guy,
Either you are a complete pedophile and I want you to GET OUT OF MY NEIGHBORHOOD, or you are a complete IDIOT! DO NOT ASK RANDOM KIDS IF THEY WANT A RIDE!! If you come around here again, I will let my eight year old KICK YOUR ASS!

I think my best bet is to NEVER let them out of my sight. This might become trouble when they want to start dating, but my job is to keep them safe. I better start saving for their therapy now.

The Pearly Whites

At our school fundraiser in the Spring, I purchased a teeth whitening session from a dental office. A couple of weeks ago, I met the dentist’s wife. She is the cutest thing! Very happy and friendly, seemed to be a very positive person, until she found out I purchased the teeth whitening. Suddenly her positive, happy mood turned dark and somber.

She leaned over to me and asked, “Do you have any pain killers left over from a c-section or anything?”

“Um… no.”

“Well then you might want to hit the bottle before you come in.”

“Huh?”

“It hurts REAL bad! Imagine being stabbed with needles every three seconds. Seriously, drink heavily before you come.”

So, I was scared. I go into the office to have my teeth cleaned and schedule the whitening. I told the Dentist his wife scared me, he shrugged his shoulders and assured me I’d be alright. He is SERIOUSLY good looking, which made me want to believe him, and I already paid for the darn thing, so I figured how bad could it be?

So today was teeth whitening day. I went in a little apprehensive, but sober. They hooked me up with a movie to distract me.

Let me interrupt this little tale to tell you, I’ve given birth to two children. One the old fashion way, and one by cutting open my stomach, and removing my guts, before yanking the baby from my body. I have had over a hundred stitches in my face from a car accident. I have a tattoo and my belly pierced and I have broken my arm, twice!

NOTHING HURT AS MUCH AS THIS!!

The pain shoots through your teeth into your brain at completely random moments. Dentist’s wife was right, it feels like being stabbed with a needle in the eye! The first couple of times I thought I was hallucinating, did that just happen? Then I felt my body tense waiting for the next “twinge” as the dental hygienist called it when she felt me grasp a hold of her arm in a death grip and try to jump from my chair.

“Oh, are you getting the little sensitive twinge? Yeah, those come and go. Try and relax.” She said as she strapped down my arms and legs with a happy little smile on her face.

Try and relax my ASS! It felt like I was in the chair for days! 45 minutes later I was done and running for the door. BUT, not before she told me the worse part.

“No coffee or red wine for the next 48 hours. Okay?”

WHAT?? These little TWINGES are going to last for three days and I can’t even drink my coffee or medicate with the red wine? I have now taken one of DH’s pain killers. I can barely type as I am falling asleep at the computer. I have no idea if my teeth are white or not as I am unable to smile. But, I have decided to have another baby. This time without the epidural, just so I can really judge my pain tolerance at this point. Either that or I’m getting a nipple pierced. Either way, I’m sure it’s WAY more fun than having your teeth whitened!