I'm worried about my dog. Our lab, our buddy for the last 12 years. He has arthritis all through his back. He's had some pain, and some trouble from it now and again, but we never put him on any permanent medication. We always just gave him a pill if he needed it and he'd bounce right back.

Now, he can't really walk. He's dragging his back foot and he keeps falling down. We have stairs all over the house and I'm worried he'll try and go down and he'll fall. I'm also struggling to keep the puppy from hurting him worse. My Berner is just such a big beast. We're keeping them pretty separate right now.

I'm avoiding the call to the vet. I don't want her to tell me there isn't anything she can do. So far he doesn't seem to be in any pain. He just can't walk.

This dog was our first commitment to each other. Before we even got engaged. It's like... okay, we can own a dog together. Wade wanted a hunting dog, and he picked him out. He was such a cute puppy. Turns out, not much of a hunting dog. He's about the laziest Lab you'd ever meet. When Wade would take him bird hunting he'd chase after the birds once, maybe twice, then Wade would turn around wondering where the dog went. He'd be curled up on the leather seats of the truck waiting for Wade to come back.

Wade's always thought this was his dog... please... he's mine. He protects me when Wade's gone. He loves me always, he's the best dog I've ever known. I think many people that know him would say the same thing. He's always just had the sweetest spirit. I know I need to do what's best for my buddy now, I just know, I'll miss him so much.

Cheering myself!

I've been writing all morning. In fact right this second I really need to pee! It's going so well, the story is playing out wonderfully! I have big hopes and a serious need to tell this story right. I'm doing everything I can not to edit myself at this point. I'm just truckin' along typing my little heart out. I think I'm finished for the day, but I hit a milestone. I'm at 10,075 words. Yeah, me!

Ode to Wade

Once upon a time
In a town called Jewel
There lived a darling girl
Who was no fool.

She spent her younger years
Dating around
Only to find
The men were all clowns.

Until one day
When the moon was right
Along came the prince
And my…what a sight.

He was dressed all in camouflage
From his head to his toe
And he carried a gun
For fighing? Oh no!

He was a mighty hunter
Who killed only to eat.
He brought the young lass
Pig, Chicken and Meat!

Her heart was a flutter
As this gent knelt down.
Her hand was the question
But it was met with a frown.

Will you always love me
More than the hunt?
The answer she expected
Came out as a grunt.

And just as she thought
She might still take this man
Along came a big Buck
And away he ran.

The moral of this story
Has one big but ~
Only take a hunter for a husband
If you enjoy a good rut!

Love Letter

Last night, I was cleaning up the kitchen when my sister called. She was crying. She said "You won't believe this. Listen to what I found." Then she began reading a love letter.

A letter to Lisa on her first anniversary from her husband Steve. He started out by saying the first anniversary is paper, so he thought he'd write her a letter. He described their wedding, the way he felt when she walked down the aisle, full of happiness and hope. How she made him feel everyday after and how lucky he was to have her. He described their future full of children and success, he told her as long as he had her, he would be alright. It was a long letter. A great letter.

I wondered this morning if he thought about her reading it. Did he imagine 60 years from that moment, her pulling out the letter and reading... happy about the life they shared? Maybe he imagined her on their 25th or even 50th anniversary. All the letters he would have written by then, reminding her of his love.

Well, this story didn't turn out like that. This January 15th marks the third anniversary of Steve's death. His future was as bright as his letter foretold. They had two kids, they had a happy marriage. They both found a love most people only dream of and then it was gone.

Lisa told me she honestly hadn't remembered he wrote the letter. She had forgotten all about it. Her boys wanted to see pictures of their wedding and she pulled out a book the guests from the wedding wrote in, and the letter fell out onto the floor. Their first anniversary, all came back to Lisa as this perfect memory. This was the present he gave her. They lived in a cheap little apartment and they had just begun their lives. When he wrote this letter, the future was bright and full of promise.

I know, this is the reason I write. The boys were only 6 and 9 when their dad died. I immediately started writing about the whole situation. Their grief, the baby steps we all took to healing. I wanted them to have something they could go back to later, whenever they needed to reflect on the time in their lives that changed everything. I've kept everything.

That's what the letter is for Lisa. It's a reminder from Steve, sent at a time when she needs to remember. The Holidays have begun for us. They have been really hard the last two years. Sam's birthday is Nov 2nd. Then Thanksgiving, the holiday Lisa and Steve always hosted. Christmas, a time no kid should be without a parent.

Their anniversary, on New Years Eve. This would have been 15 years. What would the letter say this year? Then Jack's birthday which is also the anniversary of Steve's death. I almost hate to see them come. I have hope, though. Belief that these days will be better than the last, and next year~ better still.

As for the letter, I'm so grateful she has it. I told her to read it to the boys. They need to hear how much their dad loved their mom. It's difficult to know she's lost this love, but it's also nice to be reminded how great that love was. This letter seems to be a gentle reminder from a man that is greatly missed to appreciate our loved one's and to let them know how important they are to us. I think, I'll go write my own love letter. Maybe you could do the same?

Right on Track

The idea for the book I'm writing now, came from a true story of a POW in Vietnam. It's a story that came to me over and over again in strange ways, and has haunted me ever since. It's really been over a year or longer, the story has been rattling around in my head. I feel compelled to tell it.

I began writing it and very quickly went off track. I hated what I'd written and was disillusioned about whether I could actually tell the story the way I'd envisioned or not. When NaNoWriMo, came up I thought it the perfect way to start over. I scraped the first version off the page into the trash and started over. I am very excited about the way this second one has begun, but I found myself worrying about rushing through it.

This story feels so important to me. So instead of trying to finish 50,000 words in one month, I am going to use NaNoWriMo to motivate and drive me to continue this book, but I'm not going to worry about getting to the 50,000 mark as much as just keep writing.

Because of this decision, I decided I could spend some more time researching this week. I really need to feel wrapped up in Vietnam in order to write about it like I've lived it. So yesterday I went to the book store. I left my two kids in the children's section and headed for History and War to find a couple of books. I knew my kids wouldn't last long, so I hurried. I pulled three books off the shelf. The first was a history of the war, the second a story of the waiting wives back home, and the third a book of POW survivor stories.

Last night I picked up the POW stories and began to read. Within the first chapter I found the name of the exact POW I'm writing about! It's amazing! This book tells the stories of seven different men, (I call them men although at 18, 19 years old they were really just boys) and one of the men knew and talked about my guy throughout his chapters! It's just another affirmation that I'm on the right track. Out of all the books on Vietnam and all the POW's, I picked a book off a shelf in five minutes and ended up picking the EXACT book I needed.

Isn't life great?!

My excitement and confidence is renewed. I'm reading and thinking and writing~ and I'm happy. I know I can do this right. Next week when I'm off track again, because I'm sure I'll loose all this confidence and excitement, I'll just read this little blog and try and find my happy place once again...

Kids say the Darndest things...

I've got to write about my son today. We've had the funniest day. Let me start by telling you his teacher is 27 years old, and CUTE! I wouldn't write about that, except it needs to be said in order to understand the scale of my embarrassment. I volunteer in his class once a week and honestly, I try and forget the fact he's the same age as my "baby" brother.

Anyway, today cute teacher says, I can spend a little time checking the kids work books to make sure they are all on track. I've had a bit of trouble with my son, actually doing his work and not spending most of the afternoon drinking as much water as possible to ensure as many trips to the bathroom as he can fit into a single afternoon, so I decide to check his work first.

Spelling book ~ on track!
Handwriting ~ looking good!
Vocabulary ~ two words for the day. First word, fabulous, they need to write the definition and then come up with a sentence using the word. Then they get to draw a picture depicting their sentence.

I get to the second word. The word is flexible. Definition: willing or able to make changes. Then I read my kids sentence...

My mom is so flexible, she can touch her head to her toes! ummm.... OH MY GOD!! All I could do was laugh! I briefly considered grabbing him by the shirt and asking him, "HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT??"

Then all I could think about was the big pink eraser, where the hell is the big pink eraser? Immediately afterward we got called out of the room to go rehearse our Veterans Day celebration. I never did get to erase the sentence.

When I told my friends what he wrote we laughed so hard I almost wet my pants. We have had a very funny day... and I'm sure cute teacher and I will have plenty to discuss at parent teacher conferences, and I am SO glad he didn't have time to draw the picture!

Proud of My Country!

I am so happy today. I believe President Obama is going to be GREAT!

It was a fun night. My sister and a great friend and I sat at the bar until we got the west coast. We cheered and celebrated and then went home to watch the speeches.

I feel a little sad for John McCain. I think he is a great man. I think he failed when he picked Sarah Palin. His speech last night was great. I believe him when he says he will work with Obama to make our country better. And that's what we need to be... better.

GO VOTE!!!

History making day today. Do you're part~ Go vote! A few friends and I are going to sit at our little dive bar in town and do shots whenever the Dems take a state. Hopefully we'll be dancing on the tables early in the night.

Had a good writing day yesterday. Word count is 2573. I know I'm still behind. I'm supposed to write 1667 words per day to stay on track. Should be at 6668 by tonight. But as I said before I'll be dancing on tables tonight... which means I'll be even more behind and probably writing with a hangover tomorrow.

That's okay, I just feel good that I'm writing again, and not editing while I'm going is pretty great too. I just don't feel like I have to worry about it yet. We'll see, one really good day and maybe I'll catch up.