Spain’s coming up in May and DH (Darling Husband) went to a Spain seminar put on by his company. For those of you who haven’t heard from me bragging and rubbing it in… DH won a trip to SPAIN from his company!! I KNOW!! It’s completely unbelievable and is one of those trips that would NEVER happen if it were not FREE!
Anyway… he brought home a book, the Frommer’s Spain 2009! I immediately went into research mode.
We are flying from here to Germany, in FIRST class with a slight layover. Enough to grab our bags, check in with customs, get my STAMP! and then on to the next flight. I actually wish we were staying longer, this is where my people are from…
Then we land in Marbella, Spain. When I was looking through the book, the first heading is “Where to Stay” and has a subtitle of “Very Expensive”. The Marbella Club is the first listing and happens to be where we are staying!!! Quote- “This is the grande dame of all Costa Del Sol resorts. … the snobbish Marbella Club reigned almost without equal as the exclusive hangout of aristocrats and tycoons.” I have never!!!
Here’s the situation in Spain as far as I can tell… you wake up late, go have a really strong coffee and some Danish… then go take a nap… lunch isn’t until 1:30 or 2:00. This is the big meal. You eat, drink lots of wine, and then you go take a nap. Dinner is not until 9:30 or 10:00 at night. Instead of taking another nap you are free to sit in a Tapas bar eating appetizers and drinking more WINE!, but you have to realize the bars and fun doesn’t start until midnight or 1:00 AM! So, basically you sit in a bar from 2:00 until midnight drinking wine and eating, so when the bar opens, you’re rip roaring to go!! I haven’t really figured out yet, when they work?…
After five days, a couple of group tours, a Spa Day, a walk across some bridge into MOROCCO! and a traditional Spanish Lunch at Puente Romano, we are headed off in a teeny tiny plane to Barcelona. I checked the book… Our hotel, listed again under “very expensive” Hotel Arts, the only beachfront address in Barcelona. It’s one of Barcelona’s only skyscrapers. The upper floors are the “private condominiums of some of the country’s most gossiped about aristocrats and financiers”. Holy Snickers!!
The last, most important bit of information is that Barcelona has the BEST CHOCOLATE CAKE IN THE WORLD! Bubo & bubo bars, Master patissier Carles Mampel won the Lyon Press Award for the best chocolate cake in 2005 and hasn’t changed the recipe since. Guess where I’m going after my second nap???
All I can say is, Wow! I love my husband’s job! Sometimes it really sucks, he’s gone a lot and I miss him, but the WORLD BEST CHOCOLATE CAKE, please! That’ll make it all worthwhile!
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Sunday, February 22, 2009
My Sunday Rondeau
A fleeting glimpse of truth in me
Only in brief the glance will be.
Hiding in unfamiliar spaces
Written across happy faces
Hasten now entirely free.
The sorrow shown to all who see
then flicker back to revelry.
Back to more familiar places,
A fleeting glimpse.
The face, a window shown clearly
So quickly questions mount a plea
What truth in this, the mind races
That sorrow left with no traces?
Safe back inside my panoply.
A fleeting glimpse.
Only in brief the glance will be.
Hiding in unfamiliar spaces
Written across happy faces
Hasten now entirely free.
The sorrow shown to all who see
then flicker back to revelry.
Back to more familiar places,
A fleeting glimpse.
The face, a window shown clearly
So quickly questions mount a plea
What truth in this, the mind races
That sorrow left with no traces?
Safe back inside my panoply.
A fleeting glimpse.
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Dixie Cups
My twenty-year high school reunion is coming up this summer. Let me just be Frank, (wait, I knew a Frank in high school, let’s just say honest) Honestly, I’m looking pretty good. Not too many wrinkles, weights in the appropriate range, all the gray hairs are concealed by a wonderful woman named Terrilynn, my only real concern is… well my boobs. I’m wondering if I have time for a little lift. You know just something simple, get them back to their 20 year old hey day!
I realize this blog is getting a little sketchy, first the whole “Slumber Party” thing, now we’re talking about my boobs. Nobody said you had to read it!
All I can say is, “Come on girls! Where the hell are you going??” Ever since I’ve started this little running gig… you know training for the BolderBoulder, I’ve lost some weight. Guess where the weight is coming from? Yep, the C cups are shrinkin’ up! It’s really not fair. Trust me, there are other areas I wouldn’t miss.
There is an alternative to actually going under the knife, to perk them up. I just saw on Dr. Phil, teenage girls wearing more than one bra at a time to look busty! Now that’s an idea. How many do you think I can get on at one time, six… seven? How about if I just stuff the way I used to in sixth grade? Although, I never really thought the wadded up Kleenexes fooled anyone.
I’d like to get in on Victoria’s little Secret, but I have a feeling it’s more about airbrushing and lighting than the actual bras. So what am I left with here, Dixie cup ta-tas, or Dr. Christian Troy on Nip Tuck?
Maybe, I should just quit running and let myself "redevelope" . I just heard a study that heavy women over the age of 40 actually look younger than thin women. So which is it at the twenty-year reunion, plump and boobalicious, or skinny with mosquito bites?… tough choice.
I realize this blog is getting a little sketchy, first the whole “Slumber Party” thing, now we’re talking about my boobs. Nobody said you had to read it!
All I can say is, “Come on girls! Where the hell are you going??” Ever since I’ve started this little running gig… you know training for the BolderBoulder, I’ve lost some weight. Guess where the weight is coming from? Yep, the C cups are shrinkin’ up! It’s really not fair. Trust me, there are other areas I wouldn’t miss.
There is an alternative to actually going under the knife, to perk them up. I just saw on Dr. Phil, teenage girls wearing more than one bra at a time to look busty! Now that’s an idea. How many do you think I can get on at one time, six… seven? How about if I just stuff the way I used to in sixth grade? Although, I never really thought the wadded up Kleenexes fooled anyone.
I’d like to get in on Victoria’s little Secret, but I have a feeling it’s more about airbrushing and lighting than the actual bras. So what am I left with here, Dixie cup ta-tas, or Dr. Christian Troy on Nip Tuck?
Maybe, I should just quit running and let myself "redevelope" . I just heard a study that heavy women over the age of 40 actually look younger than thin women. So which is it at the twenty-year reunion, plump and boobalicious, or skinny with mosquito bites?… tough choice.
Thursday, February 12, 2009
WARNING ** The following blog does have sexual content, it is for mature audiences!
Went to a “Slumber Party” last night at my friend Cindi’s house. That’s Cindi - with an I, and don’t you forget it! She’s been selling sex toys… opps, bedroom enhancement products, for about six years now. She loves her job, which is totally obvious right from the start.
There are no men allowed at these parties, and obviously no kids. The women were a broad mix of ages. I brought Smarty Pants with me and while I didn’t know anyone else in the room, it only took me a second to recognize the one mother I had just spent the afternoon with at the Kindergarten Valentines party.
“Two very different parties in one day, huh?” she asked.
“Wow, yeah.” I replied smartly, twirling the green penis dangling from my wine glass.
After a few yummy snacks and a refill on the wine, we all headed into the living room to gather round for her sales pitch. She let us know right up front that she’d be giving us a little sex education, and she would be calling parts by their actual names, no Wooh Whos or Va’ JJ, No Mr. Willie or the Snake. She explained quite eloquently that there really is no “Little Man in the Boat.”
She told us she had everything in stock, (Even the Blow Up SHEEP) so we’d take our prizes home in a discrete black bag and that ordering would be private. Thank Goodness for the one who wanted to buy the BLOW UP SHEEP! BAAA BAAA. I was a bit relieved I wouldn’t need to know what Kindergarten Mom was buying. It might make the next Kindergarten activity a bit uncomfortable… “so…how’s the nipple cream working out for you?”
Cindi eased us in with a candle, some great smelling body sprays and a vibrating hair brush… no… this really is for your HEAD!
Then she brought out the more interesting stuff… bottles of little wonder products with names like, Lickity Stiff, Like a Virgin, Nympho Niagra, and X-scream! Wow! Her helpful assistant went around the room, spraying, dipping and rubbing all kinds of gels, powders and glitters on the women.
Right before the five-minute break, she pointed out the wide assortment of lingerie, everything from sparkles to leathers to pearls, and the library section, with books with titles like, Tickle His Pickle and Ride ‘Em Cowgirl - Sex Position Secrets For Better Bucking! Mama never told me there were books like this!
After the break the fun really started, with Cindi – with an I, setting a glowing, rotating vibrator right on the fireplace mantel and telling us it worked as an art piece. Huh… I never would have thought of that…
She brought out more battery-operated devices than I ever imagined possible. Every size, shape and color imaginable. With working parts that rotated, vibrated, jabbed and tickled and the grand daddy of them all that rotated, vibrated, jabbed and tickled all at the same time! These little babies, or I should say BIG babies had some great names too. Names like, Twist and Shout, Beginner’s Bunny, Mr. Dependable and Sugar Spoon! I want that job, the one who gets to come up with the names for this stuff!
She wrapped up the show right after nine o’clock and Smarty Pants and I had to dash home to the kiddos. We placed our order, took our discrete black bags, vibrating and BAAing and left as quickly as we could.
It was a really fun evening. I think it’s important that women can feel empowered about their sexuality. It’s about damn time! We can finally be a mature audience in discussing what works and can take control of our own sex lives. Thank you CINDI - with an I, for all you do to help women. Oh… and thanks for the Penis Lipstick, you gave me for FREE!
There are no men allowed at these parties, and obviously no kids. The women were a broad mix of ages. I brought Smarty Pants with me and while I didn’t know anyone else in the room, it only took me a second to recognize the one mother I had just spent the afternoon with at the Kindergarten Valentines party.
“Two very different parties in one day, huh?” she asked.
“Wow, yeah.” I replied smartly, twirling the green penis dangling from my wine glass.
After a few yummy snacks and a refill on the wine, we all headed into the living room to gather round for her sales pitch. She let us know right up front that she’d be giving us a little sex education, and she would be calling parts by their actual names, no Wooh Whos or Va’ JJ, No Mr. Willie or the Snake. She explained quite eloquently that there really is no “Little Man in the Boat.”
She told us she had everything in stock, (Even the Blow Up SHEEP) so we’d take our prizes home in a discrete black bag and that ordering would be private. Thank Goodness for the one who wanted to buy the BLOW UP SHEEP! BAAA BAAA. I was a bit relieved I wouldn’t need to know what Kindergarten Mom was buying. It might make the next Kindergarten activity a bit uncomfortable… “so…how’s the nipple cream working out for you?”
Cindi eased us in with a candle, some great smelling body sprays and a vibrating hair brush… no… this really is for your HEAD!
Then she brought out the more interesting stuff… bottles of little wonder products with names like, Lickity Stiff, Like a Virgin, Nympho Niagra, and X-scream! Wow! Her helpful assistant went around the room, spraying, dipping and rubbing all kinds of gels, powders and glitters on the women.
Right before the five-minute break, she pointed out the wide assortment of lingerie, everything from sparkles to leathers to pearls, and the library section, with books with titles like, Tickle His Pickle and Ride ‘Em Cowgirl - Sex Position Secrets For Better Bucking! Mama never told me there were books like this!
After the break the fun really started, with Cindi – with an I, setting a glowing, rotating vibrator right on the fireplace mantel and telling us it worked as an art piece. Huh… I never would have thought of that…
She brought out more battery-operated devices than I ever imagined possible. Every size, shape and color imaginable. With working parts that rotated, vibrated, jabbed and tickled and the grand daddy of them all that rotated, vibrated, jabbed and tickled all at the same time! These little babies, or I should say BIG babies had some great names too. Names like, Twist and Shout, Beginner’s Bunny, Mr. Dependable and Sugar Spoon! I want that job, the one who gets to come up with the names for this stuff!
She wrapped up the show right after nine o’clock and Smarty Pants and I had to dash home to the kiddos. We placed our order, took our discrete black bags, vibrating and BAAing and left as quickly as we could.
It was a really fun evening. I think it’s important that women can feel empowered about their sexuality. It’s about damn time! We can finally be a mature audience in discussing what works and can take control of our own sex lives. Thank you CINDI - with an I, for all you do to help women. Oh… and thanks for the Penis Lipstick, you gave me for FREE!
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Angelina and Me
Today was random craziness… started the day off comparing myself to Angelina Jolie and got laughed at by a Funky Chicken…tried a second time to draw attention back to myself with Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt still in the picture and got completely shut down by Brad's abs… somehow side stepped to literary connections… and faced off against a smarty pants, who didn’t find the humor in any of it. Laugh Smarty Pants, Laugh!!
Why do people in my REAL life have to mess in my happy little fantasy life? I am HOTTER, (more hot) than ANGELINA FRICKIN’ JOLIE…
In the middle of all this I managed to clean my house top to bottom, run two miles, do 200 sit ups, create Easy Bake oven SPECTACULAR cakes, all while listening to my five year old ramble nonstop nonsense.
Random sentence # 2643, “When are we going to the dentist again, he said I can come in whenever my tooth is loose?”
Me ~ “Your tooth’s not loose.”
#2644 “Yeah, but I can come in WHEN it is, sometimes he just pulls kids teeth.”
Vacuumed entire house and turned around just in time to see old dog WIPE HIS BUTT on the carpet! Picked up second child from school, dragging his tail off the bus because he and his teacher can’t seem to read the note about CAR PICK UP! Came home to struggle with 2nd grade homework, saying for the 1000th time “Went is not spelled Wint!” and “How can you misspell School, when it’s in the sentence right above you?”
Made homemade pizzas, listened to my mother-in-law freak out about the salmonella Girl Scout cookies I fed my children, waited until MIL left then Googled salmonella in Girl Scout cookies… Did Eye Spy Book with five year old, watched Air Bud while five year old talked through entire movie.
Put five-year-old to bed just in time for son to come home from basketball practice in a TOTAL panic because brand new iPod is making a funny noise and seems to be broken. Fixed the iPod, tucked son into bed, talked to Smarty Pants about catering big FUNdraiser and emailed ten people about auction items. Now I am going to stay up late and continue writing my 2nd novel…
Dear Angelina,
Try THAT without any housecleaners, cooks, chauffers, nannies or BRAD PITT to help you out!
HA! I AM smokin’ hot!!
ME
Why do people in my REAL life have to mess in my happy little fantasy life? I am HOTTER, (more hot) than ANGELINA FRICKIN’ JOLIE…
In the middle of all this I managed to clean my house top to bottom, run two miles, do 200 sit ups, create Easy Bake oven SPECTACULAR cakes, all while listening to my five year old ramble nonstop nonsense.
Random sentence # 2643, “When are we going to the dentist again, he said I can come in whenever my tooth is loose?”
Me ~ “Your tooth’s not loose.”
#2644 “Yeah, but I can come in WHEN it is, sometimes he just pulls kids teeth.”
Vacuumed entire house and turned around just in time to see old dog WIPE HIS BUTT on the carpet! Picked up second child from school, dragging his tail off the bus because he and his teacher can’t seem to read the note about CAR PICK UP! Came home to struggle with 2nd grade homework, saying for the 1000th time “Went is not spelled Wint!” and “How can you misspell School, when it’s in the sentence right above you?”
Made homemade pizzas, listened to my mother-in-law freak out about the salmonella Girl Scout cookies I fed my children, waited until MIL left then Googled salmonella in Girl Scout cookies… Did Eye Spy Book with five year old, watched Air Bud while five year old talked through entire movie.
Put five-year-old to bed just in time for son to come home from basketball practice in a TOTAL panic because brand new iPod is making a funny noise and seems to be broken. Fixed the iPod, tucked son into bed, talked to Smarty Pants about catering big FUNdraiser and emailed ten people about auction items. Now I am going to stay up late and continue writing my 2nd novel…
Dear Angelina,
Try THAT without any housecleaners, cooks, chauffers, nannies or BRAD PITT to help you out!
HA! I AM smokin’ hot!!
ME
Monday, February 9, 2009
Just Breathe
The word Spirit, comes from the Latin spirare which means breathe. When I have time to sit quietly, or to write, to tap into my spirit, I feel like I can once again breathe. When I let the world fold over myself, engulfing all the energy I have, the way the world likes to do… I can’t breathe.
The sun helps me to breathe.
Wine helps me breathe.
Running.
Dancing.
Laughing.
Loving.
They all help me to breathe.
Without them… these few moments snatched back from the jaws of the greedy world ~ I would surely suffocate.
The sun helps me to breathe.
Wine helps me breathe.
Running.
Dancing.
Laughing.
Loving.
They all help me to breathe.
Without them… these few moments snatched back from the jaws of the greedy world ~ I would surely suffocate.
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
Wedded Wives
Dearly Beloved,
We are gathered here today to put on a school fundraiser, which is not to be entered into unadvisedly or lightly or without the book from the year before, that tells you what the hell you're supposed to be doing.
If any person can show just cause for why this fundraiser should not be held as it was the year before, let them speak now and commit themselves to Chair the event, or forever hold their peace. You didn't want to chair... you must now HOLD YOUR PEACE!
Who gives these two Mom's permission to pick a DJ, decide on the caterers, make casino choices and choose whether the "Chicken Dance" will be played during the event?
This event is a serious event. It should not be looked upon lightly. Each year the schools successes and extravagances are judged by the fundraiser put forth the year before. With this in mind...
Do you Margie, take Susanne to be your lawful wedded bitch to yell at and cuss out, throughout the fundraising process?
Do you Susanne, take Margie through sickness and health, smart-ass moments and tear jerking stomach spasms from laughing too much, throughout the fundraising process?
If so... repeat after me...
I will not EVER tell ANYONE, what we discuss in moments of ridiculous, sleep deprived pandemonium. I promise to have your back whenever someone who didn't have the guts to chair the boot starts to cuss you out. I will pump you full of caffeine before every meeting and feed you chocolate whenever the shit hits the fan... and I promise above all else to be your friend on April 26th.
I am so happy to present to you, the newly wedded fundraising beotches, Smarty Pants and Slippers!
You may now eat your chocolate!
We are gathered here today to put on a school fundraiser, which is not to be entered into unadvisedly or lightly or without the book from the year before, that tells you what the hell you're supposed to be doing.
If any person can show just cause for why this fundraiser should not be held as it was the year before, let them speak now and commit themselves to Chair the event, or forever hold their peace. You didn't want to chair... you must now HOLD YOUR PEACE!
Who gives these two Mom's permission to pick a DJ, decide on the caterers, make casino choices and choose whether the "Chicken Dance" will be played during the event?
This event is a serious event. It should not be looked upon lightly. Each year the schools successes and extravagances are judged by the fundraiser put forth the year before. With this in mind...
Do you Margie, take Susanne to be your lawful wedded bitch to yell at and cuss out, throughout the fundraising process?
Do you Susanne, take Margie through sickness and health, smart-ass moments and tear jerking stomach spasms from laughing too much, throughout the fundraising process?
If so... repeat after me...
I will not EVER tell ANYONE, what we discuss in moments of ridiculous, sleep deprived pandemonium. I promise to have your back whenever someone who didn't have the guts to chair the boot starts to cuss you out. I will pump you full of caffeine before every meeting and feed you chocolate whenever the shit hits the fan... and I promise above all else to be your friend on April 26th.I am so happy to present to you, the newly wedded fundraising beotches, Smarty Pants and Slippers!
You may now eat your chocolate!
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