Scattered Leaves

I’ve been feeling really scattered lately. My household has been sick. First it was my kids and then they transferred all those yummy germs to me. Today is the third day I've been under the weather, it’s almost 9pm and I still feel like I’ve been run over by the virus bus. When the kids are sick, nothing gets done. They want to snuggle on the couch and watch movies together. They want me to be near them.

I tried very hard to be in the moment. To appreciate that time with them, knowing it won’t always be that way. When they get a bit bigger it will be about being alone, to themselves, probably in their rooms. A little older still and they will have friends, and loved one’s to take care of them, it won’t always be me they’re asking for, so I did my best to forget the laundry piling up and the dishes and dinners, and I held them and watched movies and I let them cough in my face…

Now they are in their beds, it’s quiet in my house and I am trying to find the little piece of me that I like the most, the creative piece. The one that works to see through things and understands things through the words that pile up on the page.

I always feel scattered when I haven’t been writing for a while. It’s back to the basics. I need to get back on track. There is a song on my iPod, it’s sung by Bo Bice but it’s a remake. I love it! It’s called “I Don’t Want to Be.” The lyrics are “I don’t want to be anything other than what I’ve been trying to be lately. Part of where I’m going, is knowing where I’m coming from. All I have to do is think of me and I’ve got piece of mind. I don’t want to be anything other than me.”

I think of these lyrics a lot, I love to run to this song. It motivates me. I really do want to be exactly who I’ve been trying to be lately. I still do, totally stupid things, say stupid things, and I am the type of person that really obsesses over those things. For day’s I berate myself for something I said, or how I said it or what I THOUGHT you thought about what I said. It’s really ridiculous. My first battle is always to forgive myself for not being perfect. For sometimes saying the wrong thing.

But the truth is, I wouldn’t really change anything about myself. I know that life is what you make of it and I make an effort everyday to at least enjoy my journey. I am typically a pretty happy person. It takes a lot to tick me off and most of the time when I am mad, it’s more at myself than anyone else. I am reminded quite often that the journey is a short one.

My iPod is now playing Barenaked Ladies ~ “If I Had A Million Dollars.” This one’s pretty motivating too!

If I had a million dollars I’d build a tree fort in our yard.

If writers listen to music to motivate themselves what do you suppose musicians do to motivate themselves?

Anywhootie… the basics…

Living well, becoming the person I intend to be, finding peace and solitude among the many errands that I cherish, forgiving myself for my imperfectness, enjoying the journey… what else is there?