My book- Chapter One

I decided to post the first chapter of my book. I know there are a few of you out there reading my posts and I would really appreciate an opinion. I don't want you to pat my ego... my kids do that for me, I want good criticism. This is the first chapter. This is what I send to agents. If they like it, then they'll ask for more. Would you ask for more? No? Why not? Please!! Comment.

Chapter One

A group of us, completely comfortable in each other's presence, sit out on the deck of a restaurant drinking beer. Our laughter spills over, infectious to everyone within listening distance. The afternoon sun warms us, reminding all, that summer is right around the corner.
Everyone’s drawn into the story he’s telling. Sitting on the edge of their seats, waiting for the next word. I know the punch line. I know every chapter, in every story. I touch his arm, at the exact moment everyone gets the joke, laughter erupting. He looks at me, eye's sparkling, alive, and completely happy. I remember thinking in that moment, how perfect.

That's how we used to be. The memories of myself this way, days like this, are frighteningly unclear. Something I thought I would never have to remember. Who looks at themselves at any point in their lives and thinks, I better commit this to memory because it is destined to change? I am destined to change. No one does, but it happens just the same, completely out of our control.

So, who am I now? I am crazy.

I know I'm crazy. He’s standing in front of me. Leaning towards me, completely relaxed, as if he’d just awoken from a wonderful dream. What the hell? He smiles at me in his usual arrogant way, but he doesn't say a word. I rub my eyes and wonder if it's because I am so tired. I haven't slept in days. I'm actually delirious without sleep. How else could this be happening? I sit perfectly still not daring to breath, trying not to look up, but I know he's still there. My heart beats faster and my stomach tightens. I feel the tension through my entire body, as I break into a piercing cold sweat. Shit, Shit, Shit. I clench my eyes shut. Finally, as if coming to the surface after nearly drowning, I take a slow, deep, excruciating breath, and open my eyes. He is gone.

It hasn't been very long. A few horribly painful weeks since I found myself alone for the first time in my life. Now my mind's playing tricks on me. It only takes a moment for me to convince myself, I just made it up in my head. A blink of an eye, probably less, to second guess myself. There's no way that just happened.

Suddenly, I have an incredible headache. My eyes feel like they’re burning through the sockets. I close them gently, and lay my head back. I won't think of it again. I rest for a few minutes, and then get up to take some aspirin. I force myself to choke them down with a warm beer that’s been sitting on my counter for hours now. On with my day, swallowing my anxiety
from the past few minutes, with the familiar taste of the booze.

But was it anxiety I was feeling, or was it hope.