Criticism

Went to book club last night, such a great bunch of gals. We talked about Prodigal Summer, by Barbara Kingsolver. Not much to talk about it, seems no one really enjoyed it. It's funny several of us read it a few years back and actually remember liking it. Now trying to reread, couldn't remember why.

Anyway, I took the query and first two chapters of my book. It was great to be able to read it out loud, it sounds different that way, and I caught some word changes while doing it. Everyone was also really good at giving criticism. They caught a problem with the dad's booze, that I completely missed. These people are poor, dad wouldn't be drinking Chivas on the rocks, we decided Johhny Walker was more likely. There were also other tips, wording issues and overall suggestions that I really appreciate. I love to be critiqued.

I was telling them, yesterday, I posted my logline for the SP on the website Absolutewrite.com. It's a chat forum, where other writers will critique, you can ask questions, it really seems like a gem of a site. So the logline started...

When a twelve-year-old girl is forced into a bet with a school bully, to secretly give away all of her family's Christmas gifts to needy families, she quickly gets in over her head, and not only risks ruining Christmas for her family, but for an entire town.

I thought that was great. Really set my story up well. I was surprised to find out they hated it!! "huh?" one guy wrote, "I don't think your logline is supposed to make someone go, huh?" Overall, everyone was pretty confused by it, they didn't understand how you could ruin Christmas by giving away gifts to needy people. Hmm... good point.

So, after chewing on my ego for a while, I decided to just keep playing. I responded back with another try...

When a 12-year-old girl’s inspired to give away her Christmas gifts to an underprivileged school, she is unwittingly forced into a bet with a school bully to secretly give away her entire family’s Christmas gifts, and not only risks ruining Christmas for her family, but for an entire town.

(the buzzer sounds... ewwww.. can you smell that?)

okay, how about this...

When a 12-year-old girl from a wealthy, all American, over indulgent family, recognizes an imbalance after visiting a lower class, neighboring school, she decides to help; only after being provoked by the school bully, she ends up making a bet to secretly give away ALL of her family’s Christmas presents, and not only risks ruining Christmas for her family, but for the entire town that’s counting on her.

(the buzzer sounds again... nope! People shake their heads, embarrassed for me.)

So after taking a shot at my critiquer (not sure if that's really a word), I called him a 12-year-old girl and since one of his posts said he's been in the business 20 years, I'm pretty sure, he's not a 12-year-old girl, I tried again...

A precocious 12-year-old girl from a wealthy family tries to teach a town about the importance of giving, but her crusade is jeopardized when everyone, including herself, focuses on the gifts, instead of the giving.

(Crowd goes wild, erupting into a standing ovation. People cry tears of joy, I am relieved... I have succeeded. )

They liked that one, and you know what? I do too. Taking criticism is hard sometimes, but I know from experience that if I go with it, everything will come out better in the end.