Saturday, January 3, 2009

Firemen Butterflies and New Years Resolutions

“Firemen know the precarious line we walk between life and death. That is a lesson.”

I went to Brian Kopp’s funeral yesterday. He was a fireman who died trying to save a friend in an avalanche. I know his wife. His kids go to our school. This is just one of the things said yesterday which made an impression on me, that I want to keep.

Wouldn’t it be great if we could just keep that in mind, ALL THE TIME? The line is thin. We walk it everyday. One-day, things seem just as they have always been, and the next they are completely changed forever. My heart goes out to the family. I feel I know a lot of what they will go through over the next couple of years. Not as a wife, but as a close supporter.

The New Year is upon us. I’ve talked to many friends and family about New Years resolutions. What’s it gonna be this year? Climb a mountain, lose 20 pounds, quit smoking or drinking? Lots of good intentions out there in the first few days. I refuse to even start my New Years Resolutions until later. Why hurry?

Really, my goals are pretty much the same as in the past. I would like to become published. I want to write more, appreciate life more, have more fun. The new one’s this year are few, but BIG! I want to get a tattoo. I have it all picked out and I’m ready to go! My sister and I are getting matching tattoos, only in different places and different colors. Basically the same, we’re getting Butterflies. There is a great story behind this. I think I’ll digress to share…

When we were kids, I was standing outside of our 1950’s brick, ranch style mansion, by myself. A butterfly flew into the yard. I watched it for a while and then I lifted my hand up and the butterfly landed on my hand. I went inside yelling that a butterfly landed on my hand and my sister being... you know, older and wiser, yelled at me to shut up! She insisted there wasn’t any way that had happened.

I drug her outside and stood waiting. The butterfly flew over and landed on my hand a second time. I smiled smugly and went inside the house. From the curtains I could see her trying tirelessly to get a butterfly to land on her hand also. But alas, that was not to be!

20 years later, I was telling that story to someone and Lisa started shouting at me like a crazy banshee. She claims the butterfly landed on her hand in the first place not mine. Well, let me tell you, she’s crazy! She likes to steal my thoughts and my memories and claim they are her own. I know it’s not entirely her fault, being so close in age, some things seem to overlap. Besides that, she clearly has a screw loose.

Back to my goals for the year…

I want to run the Boulder Boulder, this one came from a friend, who encouraged me to join her. She runs it every year. I would love to do this! I would love to be committed enough to run it in under 60 minutes. That’s my friend’s goal so I have adopted it. A little lofty for my first year, but I think I can do it.

Besides that I just want to appreciate my friends and family more. Whenever a tragedy strikes I always have the same thoughts, “I wonder what was the last thing she said to him. What did he say to her? What will the kids remember as the last time with their dad.”

It makes such an impression on me, like the last few seconds are more important somehow than the millions and trillions of seconds before. I know that’s not how it works. I just hope when I die, or someone really close to me goes, my last encounter with the people I’ve loved is a great one. I hope I wasn’t bitchy, or condescending, or rude. I hope I was gracious, loving and understanding.

Let’s face it sometimes I am bitchy, condescending and rude. The only way to increase my chances in those last moments, is to try and become a calmer, better person. That’s made it to the list for 2009 too.

One last thing that fits in here perfectly, the fireman buddy that was eulogizing Brian said, even when Brian ruffled some feathers, if he was condescending or didn’t say things the way he would have wanted to, he always went back afterwards and tried to fix it. He apologized and in certain times admitted he was wrong. I think that’s a big lesson too! We aren’t perfect people, we all make mistakes, what a better place it would be if we learned to make up for the things we do wrong.

One LAST THING… My heart also goes out to John Travolta for losing his son. My aunt spent time with him on the set of Wild Hogs and says he is an incredible person, very loving and sincere. I imagine there can’t be anything worse than losing a child, I feel very sorry for him and his wife.

3 comments:

lisa said...

You are such a liar - Publicly, I would just like to say that Susanne cannot remember anything! Nothing. Zip, Zilch, Nada. Never has had any memory. She makes things up for a living. She writes fiction. This.... is another such example of her vivd imagination. Lovely story, totally not true. We were both playing in the front yard and the butterfly landed on my hand. Nice try Sus.

Marg said...

Ladies,
I think you are both nuts. I doubt there even was a butterfly.
Just get the stinking tatoo so you can tell me how much it hurts so I know if I really want one or not!

Susanne said...

Hmmm... because of my New Years Resolution to be nicer to my friends and FAMILY, I'll let this one go... no wait, I can't.

All I can say is nuh uh!