Picture Me

I just did this fun 12 Images Meme I found on Coyote Underground. It's pretty fun here are the rules...


The concept:

1. Type your answer to each of the questions below into Flickr Search.

2. Using only the first page of results, and pick one image.

3. Copy and paste each of the URLs for the images into Big Huge Lab’s Mosaic Maker to create a mosaic of the picture answers.


The questions:

1. What is your first name?

2. What is your favorite food? right now?

3. What high school did you go to?

4. What is your favorite color?

5. Who is your celebrity crush?

6. What is your favorite drink?

7. What is your dream vacation?

8. What is your favorite dessert?

9. What do you want to be when you grow up?

10. What do you love most in life?

11. What is one word that describes you?

12. What is your flickr name?



Here's my mosaic: I love it! I love visual things and anything with Jefferey Dean Morgan in the middle is fun! Next to the pic are the links to the individual pictures on Flickr. Click on the picture to see it bigger!



1. Sarah and Susanne, 2. Eid Mubarak :), 3. Diary, Saturday 9th April, 2005, 4. Gizmo, 5. Grey's Anatomy Premier Tonight!, 6. Sunset Wine3　　ice cream float:), 7. anini beach, 8. day 58: creme brulee, 9. Day 106 - I am a librarian, 10. Joy of life, 11. her passion was influenced by imagination, 12. suz tattoo

None of that Sissy Crap

I was just sent this in an email from a relatively new friend. I love her, this is so funny, and exactly the kind of friends I am looking for.

Are you tired of those sissy "friendship" poems that always sound good, but never actually come close to reality?

Well here is a series of promises that actually speak of true friendship. You will see no cutesy little smiley faces on this card- Just the stone cold truth of our great friendship.

1. When you are sad --I will jump on the person who made you sad like a spider monkey jacked up on Mountain Dew!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2. When you are blue -- I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.

3. When you smile -- I will know you are plotting something that I must be involved in.

4. When you're scared -- we will high tail it out of here.

5. When you are worried -- I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be until you quit whining, ya big baby!!!!

6. When you are confused -- I will use little words.

7. When you are sick --Stay away from me until you are well again. I don't want whatever you have.

8. When you fall -- I'll pick you up and dust you off.

9. This is my oath...I pledge it to the end. 'Why?' you may ask -- because you are my FRIEND!

Friendship is like peeing your pants,
everyone can see it,
but only you can feel the true warmth.

Karma

A good friend recently asked me, about Karma. It seems whenever tragedy strikes, people who are not at all involved like to place their opinions, beliefs and observations on the situation. I have found this to be all so true in our own situation. From the complete strangers on the 9news.com web blog to well meaning acquaintances everyone has an opinion. I have an opinion and I’ve decided to share.

First of all, I do not intend to force my opinion on anyone who chooses to read it. Secondly, even though I have what I believe to be a well thought out position, I am not so close minded that I can not hear or evaluate others opinions on the subject as well. I think this is a very important factor to being an intelligent person. The bottom line is NO ONE REALLY KNOWS!!

With questions of religion and personal belief, it is always nice to have an open mind. The only way you will ever know that you are right and say, the rest of the world is in fact going to hell, is after you have already died. So, lets just say for the sake of my own soul, that this is my belief and not a judgment on anyone else.

I believe in GOD, and I believe in Karma. What I don’t believe is the interpretation of Karma that includes EVERY reaction is caused by an action. Karma is simply the law of cause and effect. Karma is not and cannot possibly be the chief cause of all occurrences. Even Buddha himself doesn’t believe that, he believes and teaches that there are five natural laws. Karma is only one of them.

This popular thought of late that every time something bad happens to you, you must have attracted it to yourself is ridiculous. I believe in energy. If I have a good, happy energy I am going to attract good happy people to me, and thus create a better surrounding for myself. If I am nasty, hateful or evil, I will also attract those kinds of people. This is not to say that in my happy, positive energy I will not attract a nut or two!

I think I am a good person. I try not to hurt other people deliberately. I take care of my family and I do my best to forgive and live peacefully. I am not a Saint. I yell at my kids, I have been known to fight with my mother, I am not always the woman my husband hoped to marry. But I try! And when I screw up, I apologize and I try to do better next time. I just cannot think that these human errors are going to bring me misery.

I have heard the opinion that Steve being killed that night by a drunk driver was a result of bad Karma. The part I don’t really understand is whose Karma, Steve’s or Lisa’s or the boys, or his mom’s, or the boy scouts, or soccer kids, or mine, or Wades, or the rest of my family’s, or the rest of Steve’s family, or perhaps his friends, because all of these people were affected by his death. We all suffered from it, so is all of our Karma somehow the cause of our suffering?

You can say, it was Steve’s Karma, he died as a result, but that doesn’t make any sense to me either. He died on impact. He didn’t suffer at all. He was actually, in my belief, taken to Heaven where he is eating at a giant buffet with Elvis Presley and Grandpa Stoney, waiting for us to join him. Besides the fact that he was one of the best people I have ever known in my life. He would give the shirt off his back to help another. So no, I don’t buy it.

I like the more simple idea of Karma; I say it to my kids. Treat others, as you would like to be treated. Funny, I think that’s actually the Golden Rule. I know as part of my idea of Karma if I am mean or hateful to anyone, the energy is going to be reflected back at me. It’s as easy to see as a mother who yells at her child and then sees that child turn and yell at their sibling. That is cause and effect. It can be summed up by just saying hurt no one, and work to be grateful for your blessings.

For the people who believe Steve’s death was a reaction of some bad Karma I must say that hurts my family and me, and therefore creates Karma of your own.

Nothingness

Looks like it's fixin' ta storm. That's my Kansas family rubbing off- "fixin' ta"! I love the sound of thunder. It's one of my all time favorite sounds, followed by the smell and sound of a good rain. What a great day!

Just got back from a weekend in Phoenix. I am not exaggerating when I say that place feels like hell! They had record highs this weekend. We survived by drinking vodka lemonades while sitting on a ledge in the pool. It was pretty nice, but I can not imagine why anyone would want to live there. Come on people, there are tons of better places!

Today is a recoup day. I am doing my best to lay around and ignore my children. I am reading The Pillars of the Earth for the second time. I read it 19 years ago when it first came out. It was one of the first books of my semi-adult life that I really loved. I still love it the second time through. If you haven't read it yet, you're missing out.

The dog is good. Today is 6 weeks post-op. We're supposed to be getting xrays to make sure he is completely healed but please! I have spent enough on this dog! I am not getting xrays when he seems completely fine. No limp whatsoever. They could barely see anything in the first xrays, I'm not paying for a bunch more just for the fun of it.

I realize this blog is full of nothingness, (hmm, I like that word) but I just felt like posting. Now I'm going back to my book. Go back to yours.

9news.com

Wow! There is a very heated debate going on on 9news.com about this case. It's funny how opinionated people can be when they have no idea what they're talking about. When we (Lisa and I) first found this last night I was so pleased to see people that were surprised about the outcome. When all of this first happened I ended up in a heated debate on a link like this one, where everyone commenting believed that everyone drinks and drives and that it's just a tragedy that Dan got caught in such a bad way. I was baffled and irritated that people could be so stupid.

Well now, everyone is surprised that he got off with such a light sentence. Again, I am baffled and irritated that people are so stupid. Here are a few facts that might be important before you make up your minds about what's right in this case.

Lisa is incredibly forgiving. She said in her speech to the judge she decided she needed to forgive not for Daniel, but so that she could mother her children without being angry or bitter. She is not "Fine" with what happened. When we found out he was technically incompetent for a second time it was a bitter pill to swallow. I know he's damaged but we also know he did it to himself! I can tell you without a doubt that Lisa and Aprel would take Steve back in the same incompetent condition if they could have him. The Steven's have been very lucky.

They have their son. They have his freedom. And they have a victim who is so kind and considerate, she constantly worries for them before worrying about herself.

The other side to this is that he could have been released. Charges dropped with no consequences whatsoever for the fact that the state declared him incompetent. He decided with his family to ask to be charge in the Juvenile system. He wanted to have some punishment. He couldn't just walk away.

Is it the perfect answer? Or the best situation? GOD NO! None of it makes a damn bit of sense, but it's simply what we are left with. It's difficult to dig through the shit to find the rainbow, but it's there. I believe it's always there. Maybe if we knew all of the stories of the kids listening in that court yesterday we would have our perfect answer. Maybe just one of those kids will think about what they heard on a night when their plans are similar to what Dan' s were, and decide to let someone sober drive. Or maybe he just won't take the drink.

Are our courts too lenient on drinking and driving? You bet they are! When Lisa and I were in court one of the last times, I overheard an attorney, out in the hall talking to her client. "Since this is your tenth DUI, you're going to spend some jail time." Are you shitting me?? Some jail time after TEN?!! Maybe the laws need a little adjusting.

But in this case... we have to conclude that it's done, with what has to be the best possible answer.

A Guilty Plea

I have pictured this day so many times in my head and strangely, it wasn’t anything like what I expected. We arrived at court to a huge line all the way out the door. It took over 20 minutes to get through the new metal detector system. After waiting so long, we ended up running late and had to hurry to find the correct courtroom. I was immediately taken aback by the crowd as we shuffled in together; Aprel (Steve’s mom) Lisa, Wade, and I.

Daniel was demoted to juvenile court, because of his mental health finding. Incompetent to stand trial in an adult proceeding for a second time, with a finding that his improvement was at it’s best, removed any option of going forward in that division. At that point it was a possibility the judge would throw the whole thing out and we would be without any resolution. Daniel and his family asked that we re-file in juvenile court with the understanding they wouldn’t raise the competency issue again. He would just take whatever deal the DA offered. So here we are.

As I looked around the courtroom, filled to the brim with little criminals, I was deeply saddened. Child after child stood in front of the judge to hear the charges against him. Burglary, robbery, breaking and entering, every one of them accompanied by a disillusioned, exhausted parent. It would be easy to find fault and guilt behind every parents eyes, but all I saw was disappointment and some sad resolution, is this really what all their hopes and dreams had become?

Finally, they called Daniels case. I sat with Wade as Lisa and Aprel went to the front to address the court. I was already crying. The room previously filled with voices from every corner became increasingly quiet as Aprel told the judge how much she missed her only son. When Lisa began to speak, the still and quiet echoed throughout all the people. No one made a sound.

She did an outstanding job, telling this new judge in only a couple of seconds what she and her boys had lost. I was a dripping, dribbling mess listening to her courage and strength in her forgiveness of the boy that took it all away. She pointed out the most obvious lessons she has learned, and hoped that Daniels community service could find a way to save even one other person from the hurt that has become a part of her being.

As I listened, and cried, I couldn’t help but look around at all of those parents and kids waiting with jaded breath. I could read their minds as they said silent prayers, that this outcome would never be their own. Lisa finished by telling the courts that being a single parent was never her plan, but that the new plan only included focusing on raising two boys, to become men their father would be proud of.

After both lawyers got to say their own irrelevant speeches it was Dan’s turn. He started to address the judge but then turned to face my sister. He apologized. He did his best to convey his remorse for actions that seem impossible to forgive. I bowed my head and let the tears run continuous, for all that this tragedy held, and I said my own prayer, that God would shine his light and make something of this heartbreak worthwhile.

I left today with my family,two of the most important people in my life, my sister and my husband, knowing that this ends two and a half years of struggle, regrets, sadness and doubts. It is ridiculous to say that our lives will never be the same, to me that’s so damn obvious. I do, however, feel that losing Steve was like breaking off a piece of myself that will never heal. Feeling the loss and the grief, shouldering the pain of my family, has permanently changed me. Without a doubt, I will miss you Steve, forever.

Criticism

Went to book club last night, such a great bunch of gals. We talked about Prodigal Summer, by Barbara Kingsolver. Not much to talk about it, seems no one really enjoyed it. It's funny several of us read it a few years back and actually remember liking it. Now trying to reread, couldn't remember why.

Anyway, I took the query and first two chapters of my book. It was great to be able to read it out loud, it sounds different that way, and I caught some word changes while doing it. Everyone was also really good at giving criticism. They caught a problem with the dad's booze, that I completely missed. These people are poor, dad wouldn't be drinking Chivas on the rocks, we decided Johhny Walker was more likely. There were also other tips, wording issues and overall suggestions that I really appreciate. I love to be critiqued.

I was telling them, yesterday, I posted my logline for the SP on the website Absolutewrite.com. It's a chat forum, where other writers will critique, you can ask questions, it really seems like a gem of a site. So the logline started...

When a twelve-year-old girl is forced into a bet with a school bully, to secretly give away all of her family's Christmas gifts to needy families, she quickly gets in over her head, and not only risks ruining Christmas for her family, but for an entire town.

I thought that was great. Really set my story up well. I was surprised to find out they hated it!! "huh?" one guy wrote, "I don't think your logline is supposed to make someone go, huh?" Overall, everyone was pretty confused by it, they didn't understand how you could ruin Christmas by giving away gifts to needy people. Hmm... good point.

So, after chewing on my ego for a while, I decided to just keep playing. I responded back with another try...

When a 12-year-old girl’s inspired to give away her Christmas gifts to an underprivileged school, she is unwittingly forced into a bet with a school bully to secretly give away her entire family’s Christmas gifts, and not only risks ruining Christmas for her family, but for an entire town.

(the buzzer sounds... ewwww.. can you smell that?)

okay, how about this...

When a 12-year-old girl from a wealthy, all American, over indulgent family, recognizes an imbalance after visiting a lower class, neighboring school, she decides to help; only after being provoked by the school bully, she ends up making a bet to secretly give away ALL of her family’s Christmas presents, and not only risks ruining Christmas for her family, but for the entire town that’s counting on her.

(the buzzer sounds again... nope! People shake their heads, embarrassed for me.)

So after taking a shot at my critiquer (not sure if that's really a word), I called him a 12-year-old girl and since one of his posts said he's been in the business 20 years, I'm pretty sure, he's not a 12-year-old girl, I tried again...

A precocious 12-year-old girl from a wealthy family tries to teach a town about the importance of giving, but her crusade is jeopardized when everyone, including herself, focuses on the gifts, instead of the giving.

(Crowd goes wild, erupting into a standing ovation. People cry tears of joy, I am relieved... I have succeeded. )

They liked that one, and you know what? I do too. Taking criticism is hard sometimes, but I know from experience that if I go with it, everything will come out better in the end.

Query

Okay, two of my friends have commented that they need more information. This really isnt the way you pick a book. You get the jacket flap too. So here it is... This is the query that the agents get as well- without all the "thanks for your time and consideration stuff." Feel free to pick at it.

There is a moment in every woman’s life when she realizes she’s changed. The person she used to be vanished, and what’s left is strangely unfamiliar. Frannie Murdock used to be happy. She used to be fun to be around. Now she’s lost her damn mind.

A master at changing her thoughts at a moment’s notice, Frannie finds denial, and huge amounts of alcohol, to be her best option for coping with the loss of her twin brother to Leukemia. But when she snaps mentally, and is faced with the same health concerns as her brother, Frannie sinks to her breaking point. With a sloppy, stray dog to the rescue, and her Native American therapist’s spiritual perspectives, Frannie might be able to find solid ground. Confronting her past, and her estranged relationship with her mother, may finally allow her to love a man who is consistent and dependable. While the only connection that ever mattered to Frannie, is the bond between her and her twin brother, the question becomes: is that bond strong enough to exist beyond his death, and can she still recognize it?

This book is Women’s Fiction. While it has paranormal elements, the story is more about a women’s ability to heal her spirit. My book has been called a tear jerker and a page turner, although I think it’s also sarcastic and funny. At the center, it is a search for spirit and an inquiry into how much a soul can endure.

My book- Chapter One

I decided to post the first chapter of my book. I know there are a few of you out there reading my posts and I would really appreciate an opinion. I don't want you to pat my ego... my kids do that for me, I want good criticism. This is the first chapter. This is what I send to agents. If they like it, then they'll ask for more. Would you ask for more? No? Why not? Please!! Comment.

Chapter One

A group of us, completely comfortable in each other's presence, sit out on the deck of a restaurant drinking beer. Our laughter spills over, infectious to everyone within listening distance. The afternoon sun warms us, reminding all, that summer is right around the corner.
Everyone’s drawn into the story he’s telling. Sitting on the edge of their seats, waiting for the next word. I know the punch line. I know every chapter, in every story. I touch his arm, at the exact moment everyone gets the joke, laughter erupting. He looks at me, eye's sparkling, alive, and completely happy. I remember thinking in that moment, how perfect.

That's how we used to be. The memories of myself this way, days like this, are frighteningly unclear. Something I thought I would never have to remember. Who looks at themselves at any point in their lives and thinks, I better commit this to memory because it is destined to change? I am destined to change. No one does, but it happens just the same, completely out of our control.

So, who am I now? I am crazy.

I know I'm crazy. He’s standing in front of me. Leaning towards me, completely relaxed, as if he’d just awoken from a wonderful dream. What the hell? He smiles at me in his usual arrogant way, but he doesn't say a word. I rub my eyes and wonder if it's because I am so tired. I haven't slept in days. I'm actually delirious without sleep. How else could this be happening? I sit perfectly still not daring to breath, trying not to look up, but I know he's still there. My heart beats faster and my stomach tightens. I feel the tension through my entire body, as I break into a piercing cold sweat. Shit, Shit, Shit. I clench my eyes shut. Finally, as if coming to the surface after nearly drowning, I take a slow, deep, excruciating breath, and open my eyes. He is gone.

It hasn't been very long. A few horribly painful weeks since I found myself alone for the first time in my life. Now my mind's playing tricks on me. It only takes a moment for me to convince myself, I just made it up in my head. A blink of an eye, probably less, to second guess myself. There's no way that just happened.

Suddenly, I have an incredible headache. My eyes feel like they’re burning through the sockets. I close them gently, and lay my head back. I won't think of it again. I rest for a few minutes, and then get up to take some aspirin. I force myself to choke them down with a warm beer that’s been sitting on my counter for hours now. On with my day, swallowing my anxiety
from the past few minutes, with the familiar taste of the booze.

But was it anxiety I was feeling, or was it hope.

Cold Calling Crazy Bitch

Have you ever cold called an actual movie star’s agent? I have.

I was thinking the other day, about my SP. I have the entire movie playing out in my claustrophobic closet of a head, over and over and over. I could make the BEST MOVIE, if I was in charge of everything. I can pick the actors, the directors, the costume designers (okay, my aunt is a costume designer), my manager (Uncle Dan are you listening?), everybody. But… alas, I’m not in charge of everything.

So, next best thing… start moving the Universe in my direction. Hey! Why NOT!? I cold called this certain 12-year-old actresses agent. Conversation went something like this…

“Hi, I’m Susanne Sanstra and I’m new to Screenwriting. I just finished my first movie and your client would be PERFECT for the lead role.”

“Samantha, did you say?”

“Susanne.”

“Lady, this isn’t the way things are done.”

Laughing, “I’m sure of that. Look, I just wanted to tell you, that it’s posted on Inktip.com”

“Do you have financing for this movie?”

“No.”

“Well that’s what you need first.”

“I just thought you could look at the logline, if you’re interested, the script is posted there too.”

“Its against the law for us to accept unsolicited manuscripts.”

"I KNOW!” laughing again… “that’s why I posted it to Inktip. Have you ever heard of Inktip?”

“No, me personally, no.”

“Well, it’s a place for new writers, like myself, to post our work. Then you can look at it without any liability.”

"You signed a waiver?”

"YES!”

“Okay, well like I said, we really don’t get involved until you at least have financing.”

“Right, so you can’t look at the logline at least?”

“No. Sorry.”

Too cheerfully, “Okay, well thanks so much for your time.”

Hang up the phone… “WELL SHIT!”

That didn’t work out so well. So the next time, I decided to send a very well worded email to the next agent, asking them to check out Inktip. They responded in a couple of minutes…

“Thanks, we’ll take a look and let you know.”

That may have been the easiest way to blow me off by Blackberry, but hey, it’s better than just, NO!

I will not surrender!! Look the only one that's going to make something happen, is me. So the agents, producers and managers may laugh over the “crazy drunk mom” that cold called them, but I don’t care. All I need is one.