Last night I went to the annual Larkspur Mother's Group Christmas party. While the party was a huge success and a TON of fun, I found myself in an awkward situation.
We are at that age among our friends where divorce happens. I'm pretty sure the national average is still somewhere over 50%, so it's unavoidable that some of your friends are going to go through it. I have a couple of friends who have been recently divorced and some who are on the verge.
At the party last night, one of the gals who is on the verge began questioning me about my marriage. I found myself, oddly, defending my relationship. I have been trying to understand where she is coming from, where she is at in her life and what she feels is necessary for her to be a happy, whole person.
I honestly don't feel like I judge my friends when they decide to get divorced. No one can really know another person's situation. I feel very strongly, in all areas of life, that it's one's own business how you handle the tough choices. I have enough to worry about with the things that will actually affect my own life. No time to concern myself with other peoples situations. Not that I don't care! I want my friends to be happy, I just don't feel just in having an opinion when it comes to other peoples relationships.
Anyway, when I found myself in the hot seat, I don't think I was very good at conveying my viewpoint. I was caught off guard, and if for no other reason, I'd like to try again for my husband who deserves to know how I feel.
I by NO means have the perfect relationship. I have shed my share of tears over my husband. He has hurt my feelings, he is sometimes callous, and I definitely wish he were more outgoing. But...
I value my marriage and family. I say things sometimes like, "I think it's important to be married to someone who will take care of you when you're sick." Another friend last night said she could just hire a nurse. That's true but I didn't mean that's the ONLY reason!
I value the fact that I have someone who takes care of me because he loves me and wants the best for me. I know without a doubt, he would take a bullet for me, or beat down a nurse in a hospital to get me the best care. He would sacrifice our house and all of our possessions to make sure the kids or I are always taken care of.
I value the fact that he keeps a job he doesn't really love, traveling away from us and his home, to make sure I can stay home and take care of our kids. I can volunteer in their classes and pick them up from the bus, and be there for EVERY single thing they need because he makes this sacrifice.
I value the fact that I don't have to know ANYTHING about the bills. I don't enjoy that part of reality and even though he really wishes I would be more involved, he understands and takes care of all of it.
I value Wade's friendship. He is the closest person to me and in any situation I know if I need him, he has my back. I can tell him ANYTHING and even when he thinks I'm wrong he still at least tries to see my side of it.
I know what it's like to have a day so bad, you're not sure you will survive it. I value the fact that I have Wade to hold my hand and stand by my side and to lift me up off the kitchen floor when I don't think I can get up by myself.
I love, adore and am SERIOUSLY attracted to my husband! I value that!!! He thinks I am beautiful even when I've gained a few pounds. He's never said anything to me about how he wished I looked differently. He has never noticed my scars, paid any attention to my stretch marks, or remarked about my gray hair or wrinkles. If he has noticed ANY of those things, I surely don't know it.
I think marriage is hard. I think some days it's really REALLY hard, but more often than not I am truly happy. I know we are giving our kids stability and love. They see us fight sometimes, but they also see us make up. They see us kiss and love each other, and they see us laugh together. I value that because I don't come from that kind of a childhood.
I know how short life can be - sometimes shockingly short. I don't want to spend it with ANYONE other than Wade. He is my rock and the right person to balance out my weaknesses. I love you Wade. Thank you for everything.
