Beware, my pretty Bears

I waited a few days before writing this, thinking, maybe I'd settle down and not be so mad, but um... no. So here....


Last Monday, I was sitting on my front porch waiting for the school bus to come deliver my children, when I heard a strange, POP, POP, POP from a little ways off.

That sounds like gun fire I thought. Then just as quickly poo pooed myself. No way! Something else, I'm sure. The bus came around the corner dropping my kiddos off safely, and I went on with my day.

Then Tues. night I get a call from a neighbor. Apparently, IT WAS GUN FIRE! Right around the corner from me. Some guy driving a golf cart was shooting at a bear!

No! I thought. She must be mistaken, who would be so stupid to shoot at one of our beautiful bears, not to mention the fact that it was in a neighborhood at the same time the school bus was bringing home our children. I called around and sent a few emails.

Sure enough the Wildlife guys were canvasing the neighborhood looking for an injured or dead bear. They brought out the dogs trying to track him. No one really knows if the Jackass hit the bear or not.

I'm so upset over this. We live in bear territory. We chose it! Knew full well, we were sharing their space. Everyone around needs to know that too! We have had several instances this summer of bears getting into peoples houses. It's not really a mystery. If you leave a window open and have ANY food in the house, he's coming in.

One of the bears, a baby, was euthanized because of this. The Rangers give them the three strike rule and then say they can not be moved or rehabilitated after learning the way to get food is breaking and entering. So, we lose one of our natural neighbors. A fed bear is a dead bear. Nice little saying, huh?

Now we have some armed crazy person, shooting at a bear off a moving golf cart?? We are not so rural that you won't hit anything around if you MISS~! I feel very lucky he didn't kill anyone. I am pretty sure someone this stupid, couldn't have hit the bear. Most actual hunters know better. My husband is an avid hunter, he was just as shocked and appalled at this insane behavior as I was.

I have seen the bears in my yard four times this year. I am happily surprised every time! It's such a joy to watch something so big and free come waltzing by. They are wonderful! And if you've experienced them at all, you know, one loud noise and they GO AWAY! The first time I saw one coming through the backyard, I yelled at my husband to come. The windows were open and she heard me and immediately hightailed it out of the yard. These bears are harmless. They're just looking for something to eat. If you protest, even a little, they get the message.

I really just hope this guy gets his. Maybe the next time he comes to the table looking for his supper, his wife can shoot at him! I'd be happy to stand in, if she needs me.

Affordable Viagra $1

Got my viagra email. Now my day can begin.

Worst Writing Day Ever!

Yesterday, I spent a lovely and quiet day writing my new novel. What a great day it was! Today, I have been caught up in my blog reading by a contest posted on this website.

It is a contest to write the WORST story line ever! It's so much fun, I am obsessing, ignoring my chores and my child. Here are a few of mine:

Procuring the Position of PTO President
Kindergartner, Pickles Parsley’s mom wants the position of PTO President and will do anything to get it, including pandering to the parents, picking off the competition with nasty paper cuts, planting parasites in certain parents potluck and even planning pedicures while pontificating about her perfect purple play dough.

I love alliteration and find it an essential tool in querying.

Malevolent Mailman: A middle-aged mailman delivers a letter to the wrong address angering an entire town who in turn vow to never mail again.

Tree Hugging: A nature loving arborist sets off on a quest to find and destroy the dreaded Pine Beetle only to discover an unrequited love for a tree chopping lumberjack named Ax.

All Around Afghan Hound: An overweight, washed up gymnast, who once tried out for the Olympics, turns her useless life around by taking up dog walking and in time teaches a trusted pooch a floor routine to beat all breeds, and winds up loosing ten pounds in the process.

Party Pooper: A middle-aged housewife, sick of leftovers and processed cheese, combats door to door sales men and telephone solicitors while trying to diaper her skittish toddler who refuses to poop in the potty.

AHHHHAHAHAHAH!! This is so much fun...who needs clean clothes, or dinner? I'm just gonna sit here all day doing this!

Kickin' Butt

My friends and I went to a self defense class. It was seriously nerve racking. These guys in giant padded heads and diapers attacked us. First, from the front, then from behind, and finally with our eyes closed, so we never knew where they were coming from.

I'm a lover not a fighter.

It gave me serious anxiety to fight this way. These guys were great, they cussed at me and yelled at me and tried to wipe the "hee hee, this isn't real" smile off my face. It worked.

By the end, I was fighting for all I was worth. I was mad and defensive. It was great to have the chance to be in this situation, to learn to fight for your life when it wasn't real. If I ever find myself facing anything like this again, at least I'll have a point of reference. Here's a little clip of me fighting off the bad guys. They are spinning me around, with my eyes shut to make me completely disoriented before he attacks. I think I held my own...

National Friendship Week

Reading the paper today, I found out Aug. 17th – Aug. 23rd. is National Friendship Week. It made me want to reflect on my friendships past and present. Friends are such a big part of life. I read in the article, “Aristotle viewed friendship among the highest virtues. He identified three kinds of friendship:

· Friendship of Pleasure - two people are wonderfully happy in each other’s company.
· Friendship of Utility – two people assist one another in everyday aspects of life.
· Friendship of virtue - two people mutually admire one another and will be on best behavior in order not to jeopardize their relationship.”

I have experienced all three kinds of friendships in my life. From my earliest friend, Heidi Brewer in 1st- 3rd grade, I knew what it was like to really be happy in someone else’s company. I remember, one time, she was supposed to spend the night at my house. For some reason, at the last moment, she couldn’t come. I had such heartache over her absence. She ended up moving in 3rd grade, another complete heartache. I tried to keep track of her for a little while. We saw each other once in her new town and then she just disappeared. I have often thought of her and wondered how she is, and what she’s doing.

From then on there were lots of friends. I have a friend I’ve had since Kindergarten. I have my best friend from High School who I also lived with awhile in College. Both of these are not really friendships anymore as much as nostalgic acquaintances. With both of these friends I value the time we were close and the memories we made. I miss those days but understand how much things and people change over time.

In my 20’s and early 30’s there were lots of friends. Many work friends which fall under the Friendship of Utility category, they usually disappear with the job.

I’ve had a few “Best Friends”. Each one enhancing different parts of my personality and changing with who we were at the time. Sadly, I think they may have been more of the Friendship of Virtue kind. In my experience, this type of friendship just doesn’t last.

You can only be on your best behavior so long. Sooner or later, real life comes into play and you do jeopardize the relationship by just being yourself. That’s when so many fall through the cracks.

It’s when you can be yourself and you know your friend is being herself that the Friendship of Pleasure really comes into play. That to me is the truest form of friendship. It’s the kind of friends we all were in the beginning. It’s the kind of friends Heidi Brewer and I were in Elementary School. Kids choose their friends just based on who they truly enjoy being around.

I have one friend, I know without a doubt, is a true all time friend. I have great faith through years of change, and even working with her, we will always have a connection. And I have my sister, but that is an entirely different blog.

Besides that, I have many friends I can count on. I don’t put anyone in the position of being something specific for me. I am in a place in life where I am happy with who I am and that seems to attract all kinds of great people. I have no desire to be on my best behavior anymore, you can like me or not, that’s okay.

With all the friendships I have made recently, and in the past, I am so happy to have such great people in my life. Even if only meant for a short time. Having all of these great personalities has made me who I am, and I appreciate you all.

Back to School and Publishing Steppingstones

Having a good week. It’s back to school time. My second grader goes today, and my kindergartener starts tomorrow. I am excited for them although also really surprised at the way time flies. I remember so vividly bringing my daughter home. She was premature and in the NICU for 17 days, 17 of the longest days of my life. How can it be time for her to step up on the school bus and drive away? I’m just trying not to think about it much.

Also had a great week for publishing… Got an email from an agent who wanted more information on the Screenplay. That’s the first nibble. She wanted coverage, which I don’t have right now. Coverage is like a review you pay for and get from an established reader. I got one, a few rewrites back. It was pretty decent considering I still had some work to do. I am considering getting another one, but it takes about three weeks so I don’t think it’ll help me with this agent.

On the book side, my new friend and publisher Spring Lea is reading my novel. She emailed me after only eleven chapters to tell me she was really enjoying the story. She said I am having a little trouble with commas! HA!! Go figure, but she is willing to work with me on all that. I am excited to get her feedback. Hopefully it will lead to a published book, but even without that giant step, any improvement on my writing is so helpful.

I should have more time to write here in the near future. With both kids attending school at least two days a week. I’m excited about the time; I just need to learn to work in the silence. My faithful Berner, is by my side as I write this in my loft. I have great pictures in my mind about cold, winter days, writing for hours the next great novel. I can’t imagine a better way to spend my time. Thank you to darling Hubby who makes it possible.

Boyfriend Vs. Raccoons

I'm really tired. Just got back (3 hours ago) from a four-day, three-night, tent camping trip. We took the boat to Blue Mesa. We go every year. This is the fourth year; with a fifth year we don’t count before we were married.

This was the first year we were attacked in the night.

Let me start by sharing a story about a friend of mine who just went to Yosemite. Very aware that Yosemite is Grizzly Bear country, she found herself at an outhouse by herself. Thinking fast, as any good outdoorswoman would, she kicked the outhouse door before walking in. A thrashing animal sound, answered her kick.

Her call of nature (okay, she HAD TO PEE) was so great, she decided to confront whatever was thrashing about. She threw the door open in front of her, standing safely behind. (Not like a Grizzly Bear could just throw the door aside and EAT HER!!)

Luckily, no bears bounded out, only goats. Yes, goats were taking up residence in the outhouse. My friend did her business and then locked the intruders out. As she walked away, (gloating at her quick thinking) the goats were butting and ramming the door trying to get back into the home they were so rudely evicted from.

With this story in mind, plus the fact we live in Mountain Lion and Bear territory, I was more than a little panicked when awakened to an intruder in our campsite. Sunday night, our first night, I awoke to the sounds of plastic rattling and feet tramping about.

I thought my sister or her boyfriend were up. I was wondering what the hell they were doing waking me in the middle of the night. After reflecting on the fact I never heard the zipper on their tent, I decided to investigate. I unzipped our tent and looked out. It was pitch black, I saw nothing, but continued to hear the sounds of trampling and rummaging.

“Is anybody up?” I asked timidly into the night.

“Nope, we’re not up.” My sister answered from her tent.

“WADE SOMETHING’S OUT THERE, GET UP!!” I shouted at my sleepy husband.

“What? What?” he answered groggily.

“It’s a raccoon,” my sister’s boyfriend responded. He was quicker to the flashlight than my love, and he flashed his light on the BIGGEST RACCOON I HAVE EVER SEEN!!

The little devil was sitting on our camp table devouring pistachios as fast as he could. Apparently, New Boyfriend left the nuts out. As a punishment we made him chase the little devils off for the next two nights…

Let me just say, raccoons are very similar to Gremlins. We could hear them snarling and growling from our tent as Boyfriend, tried to chase them off. They're dirty little suckers who got everything muddy, from the table, to the towels, to my hat sitting on the table, to the boat, which they apparently jumped into as Boyfriend tried to evict them.

The second night, after chasing off a herd of raccoons, I heard Boyfriend retreat back to his tent.

"One of them bit me," he said.

"Nuh, uh..." sister responded.

"Drew blood," he muttered.

Boyfriend had to leave one night early, jumped on his Harley with blood dripping from the Coon attack. Hubby prepared himself for the Raccoon battle our final night. Funny thing was, without Boyfriend around, no Coons showed up. I seriously think they were there only to mess with him…

Hubby says next time he’s packing a 22.

Boyfriend Beware!!