Breaking out Sofie

I am reading the book WRITING THE BREAKOUT NOVEL by Donald Maass. It's fabulous. Donald Maass owns his own literary agency. I am about half way through it, in the first day.

He has tons of good advice, which instills in me confidence in my finished novel, as well as ideas and thoughts for the next one.

I've had an idea rolling around in my head for some time now for the next novel. There are parts of it that scare the hell out of me so I've been procrastinating. First of all, it needs to have a Vietnam element. That's the only way I see it happening. Not being from that generation, I feel inadequate to write about it. The part I need is from the prisons. I have read and done a bunch of research but still, writing about it like I own it is different.

Anyway, after reading the first half of this book I heard my little voice. I think I need to name her...Sofie comes to mind immediately. (I realize that sounds pretty nutty, the rebellious teen I used to be says, uh...whaat-eveah!)

Thanks Sofie.... remember it's a first draft...

Her scream was the deafening sound of pity, grief and atonement, which shook the foundation of the house and sent all the birds and creatures outside into a fervent escape. She knew instantly she would never stop. It didn’t matter that the curly headed toddler next to her was crying. It didn’t matter that the blood was seeping into the carpet, spilling from the open wound. Falling to her knees in front of her dead husband, all that mattered were the words she’d never say, “I’m pregnant.”

The look on his face was surprise, as if the bullet felt differently than he’d expected as it ripped through his skull. Her ears were still ringing from the blast and now the screaming... the screaming, as if coming from someone very far away. She reached out instinctively, erratically stroking the man she had loved half of her life. He felt warm, real, familiar. She covered her mouth with the back of her hand, knowing in some far off place, she must stop, but she couldn't. Not until the neighbor came. Shocked and horrified, scooping her off her knees, dragging her from the room.

Twenty minutes later as the paramedics loaded her onto the ambulance, she finally asked in a confused, drug-induced state, “Where’s Maggie?”

“Your…um…Mother,” replied the paramedic, Joe. This was his first call. Not of the day…ever. He had past the test last week. Today was Monday, his first real day of work. Nothing could have prepared him for this first call, his introduction to tragedy and horror. He had been nervous all morning, afraid he might not be ready, but it wasn’t until he wiped the dead man’s brains from his wife’s face he realized, he’d never be the same.

Too quiet to think...

I’m writing a new script. It’s a romantic comedy. I love the concept; it actually came to me in a dream. There are also some really funny parts. Or at least I think so… but right now I am struggling to get past the mid point.

Page 50. Midpoint. Something great should be happening by now. Is it??

Usually, I am writing with my kids around. They constantly interrupt me. Asking for snacks, fighting with each other. Just coming up to say hi! I always wonder how much easier it will be to write when they are at school full time. Something I will experience soon enough.

Well today, they are at their grandparents. It’s 2:00 and I have had the entire day to myself. It’s really been nice. I’ve had no TV on. No radio, just sitting quietly me and my computer and this new story unfolding. But you know what???

It’s too quiet.

I can’t figure out where I want to go next. The little voices in my head are staying quiet. Thanks for nothing. The TV is calling me… come sit down, watch me…do nothing…you’ll love it.

I procrastinated through every blog I could find to read. Read the news clip about Randy Pausch. He’s the guy that wrote the inspirational speech about dying. Well, he died. And spent a while trying to find friends on myspace. I have only five and one of them is the Tom guy…

So why is it so hard to write today?I guess I’m just used to thinking amidst the chaos. I miss the kids. What a pity. I guess I can’t let them go to school after all. Poor little things. They need to stay home and help their mommy become a great writer.

I hope the State will understand why I couldn’t possibly let them go to school. I need my noisy little muses.

WASPS!!!

got stung by a wasp this morning. little boogers. apparently the wind knocked down their home and now they are swarming by my milk box. lovely little things stung my foot when i went to get the milk. i haven't been stung in 30 years...still hurts! going to the dentist today too...hope this is not some sort of a sign of things to come.

An Exercise in Sound Effects...and Life.

So…I’m going to do my best to make this sound funny and entertaining, even though it’s been a very VERY bad day.

This weekend, my darling dog (yes, the same dog) my little 11 mo. old Berner, developed a nasty cough. Hmmm… Really almost the sound of a hairball being expelled out of our evil, hateful, cat, Fish (no, not a catfish…our cat named Fish). HACK-HACK- GASP-KACHEESE! Nothing comes out.

Heavy panting followed, HUFF HUFF HUFF GAK KACHEESE. Seriously… either he’s hot…or he’s HOT!! It's 85 degrees in my house and he wears a seriously heavy coat. So for the past two days, I’ve told myself- he’s hot!

Well this morning, my dear pet, decided no mo’ food. Yep… the human garbage disposal broke. The dog that will eat anything…I mean anything…will not eat.

I know, it’s even obvious to you, who only know this dog from a random blog spot, he needs to go to the vet. But, I couldn’t tell my husband that. We just spent a BAZILLION Dollars on his shoulder surgery. I procrastinated. Maybe he’ll feel better soon. He’s not throwing up. Look… he just WOOFED at the neighbor…GAK KACHEESE...I’m sure he’s fine.

KLUNK! (That’s the sound of my brain as I throw my head back in disgust) I KNOW HE NEEDS TO GO TO THE VET!!

So, I take him. All starts out fairly well. Vet tech tells me she thinks he has Kennel Cough. Fabulous. I have no idea how he could have contracted that, but OKAY! It’s better than the alternative. Actual Vet is in surgery, leave puppy behind, we’ll let you know. Wonderful! I go home and research Kennel Cough-

Then the Vet calls. “His throat’s pretty swollen.”
“Really?”
"Yeah, I want to take an X-ray but he’s pretty freaked out. I’ll have to give him a sedative.”
“Yep…listen…we’ve already spent a lot on this dog. I really want to know what’s wrong with him, but less is more. You see what I’m saying?”
“I know.” Sympathetic, but is she really hearing me???
“I thought it might just be Kennel Cough?” I say desperately.
"Well, it still could be, but with his history, you said he eats everything in the yard?”
SHIT. “Yep, rocks, sticks, Barbie dolls. Pretty much everything.”
“I really think we should take a look.”
“Okay. Let me know.”

For two hours I paced. The phone rings… here’s where it all goes bad…
“Well, I put him under, and as soon as I looked, I could see. He had a HUGE abscess. So much pus. I wiped it away, but we were in jeopardy of him choking to death so we had to intubate.”
OH CRAP! The cash register in my mind was keeping track, CHA-CHING CHA-CHING! Darling Hubby is either going to divorce me or KILL ME! If you find my dead body with a dog collar in my hand, there’s no question who the accused should be. (hear the ditty from Psycho...can't figure out how to write that...)

Long story, short…yah right…dog swallowed something sharp. Cut his throat and now it’s infected. Good news is he’s fine. I got him home. He’s on painkillers and MAJOR antibiotics but he’s going to be just fine. And I still love this dog. Hubby on the other hand, SNARLED and GROWLED when he walked in. I am on my third glass of wine, he is on the back porch GRUMBLING to himself, but trying desperately to be happy with his wife and her pets.

This is life, the life that we created. I know we don’t have tons of money. We have two small kids and one income. People and pets…get sick. All we can do is our best to take care of them. I know, he knows it, and I know he’s happy to have his family (although he would be one dog shy, if it were up to him). Life may be a bowl of pits as Rodney Dangerfield said, but I tend to think more like Carl Jung; There are as many nights as days, and the one is just as long as the other in the year's course. Even a happy life cannot be without a measure of darkness, and the word 'happy' would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness. I know the meaning of the word…happy. (Cue the VIOLINS)

Laugh, Chuckle, Chortle

From Webster’s New World Dictionary: Laugh- to make the sounds and facial movements that express mirth, ridicule, etc.

Webster’s New World Thesaurus: Laugh- chuckle, chortle, guffaw, laugh off, snicker, titter, giggle, burst out laughing, shriek, roar, beam, grin, smile, smirk, shout, die laughing, break up, crack up, howl, roll in the aisles, be in stitches, see also smile.

That’s all I have done for four days.

Thursday was book club night. Picture 12 women sitting around a table in the backyard chuckling and chortling until they pee. That was pretty much the book club. And just so you know, the book really wasn’t funny at all…

We were drinking Mojitos, which I am pretty sure helps the giggle abilities but it was also just a bunch of happy, funny people.

We laughed so hard and so loud that some complete stranger popped into the backyard. Some guy heard our laughter, knew it was a bunch of women and HAD to come over. All that did was make us laugh harder. I mean please! If a woman heard a bunch of men outside, I don’t know, ummm… drilling and hammering. Do you think she would HAVE to drop by? This man looked a bit like a bad Santa and when he told us about the last time he went to the gym… well you can imagine, my Mojito shot out of my nose as I howled and rolled in the aisle!

So then Friday, my neighbor invited us over to try some yummy wines and meet her brother who was in town. All I can say is the entire night was full of shrieks, roars, and howling laughter. (In case you haven’t figured it out, I am trying to use every one of the thesaurus words).

There was some story about a snake… I can’t even tell you why it was so funny, it just won’t translate, but I looked across the table and my darling husband was crying he was laughing so hard and this is not a man who laughs enough! My stomach hurt, I guess that’s what it means to be in stitches. We were only planning on staying an hour tops! Five and a half hours later we drug our hysterical butts out of their house.

I like the term die laughing. There can’t be any better way to go. If it were at all possible to die from laughter, I surely would have departed this weekend. I recommend laughing as hard as possible as often as possible. It makes you feel so full of life. Thank you to all my friends who made me laugh this weekend! Loved it!

PS. Just saw a beautiful brown bear walk through my front yard. The dogs were inside so he wasn’t scared away as usual and I got to watch him for a few seconds. I love that I have bears in my front yard! What a great day it’s going to be!!! Heres a picture of the bears, I didn't take it and it wasn't today. This was about a month ago right up around the corner from me. I think it was this brown one that I just saw.

Grumpy Dragon Wins!

I think I wrote a while back that a publisher was reviewing my book. It is a small, relatively new press and while a friend recommended her to me, I really wasn’t sure if I was doing the right thing. Well this week everything fell into place.

I have been very positive lately about my writing. I made an image board. I took pictures or images of things that I love or want in my life and glued them to a big old white board. I have God in my center. Under that I have a beautiful picture of red roses. I not only want more flowers in my life but this signifies love for me, my family’s love is very important to me.

Next to that is a big wad of cash! Truth be told money is not that important to me, but I am married to a guy who can not rest at night unless we have an abundance of savings. We are a cash only family, when there ain’t no cash, there ain’t no stuff. His happiness is what that money represents to me.

Above that is a picture of New York. I really, really, really, want to go. Up above all of it is a picture of a bunch of butterflies flying through the rays of the sun into a blue sky. Butterflies are a symbol to me of my sister, and my family. They look really free and beautiful and the picture reminds me a little of Heaven.

There is an old calligraphy pen and the words “Just Write!” Below that are dark shadows on a rippling river. The movement of a rock recently thrown through displaces the reflections of the trees around. Throughout the entire picture are images of butterflies in bright colors, pink, green and purple. This picture depicts my imagination; the thought that anything can be, if I create it.

Under that I have created a book jacket for The Spirit of Denial. I LOVE IT! It’s the title with my name under it and a black and white picture of twin babies. This is my book published, in my mind. And right next to that is a picture of a hand reaching out with a small bright blue Christmas present on it. This picture symbolizes Giving Away Christmas my movie.

So this publisher that has my book is called The Grumpy Dragon. After she took my book to review it, I stupidly asked a question of a blogger who is an assistant to a literary agent. I asked if she thought going with a small, unknown publisher was a good idea. This person took my question and went on a little public rant about The Grumpy Dragon that was less than flattering.

For the past two weeks I have felt terrible. I imagined the publisher reading the blog and being angry with me for causing it to happen. Finally after making my board and really thinking about putting good energy out into the world, I realized I had to apologize to her even if she didn’t know it had happened.

Well I did, and she didn’t. She had no idea about the blog. I pointed her to the link and waited to hear her reaction. It’s here if you want to read it but please make sure you read the comments too so you can see what The Grumpy Dragon responded. http://rejecter.blogspot.com/ SHE WAS AMAZING! She defended herself eloquently to the blogger. She absolved me of my guilt, recognizing that it wasn’t intentional and she still agreed to review my book!

I don’t know what will happen from here. I do think if nothing else I have made a valuable friend. I know her review will be tremendously helpful to my writing. I actually think we may be a perfect fit. She is new and small, but so am I! I have no idea what I’m doing; I am leading with my heart and my desire to have my book published. She has a desire to grow her company and publish books. I know this shook her confidence, my confidence waivers all the time. Who knows, maybe we will help each other and end up getting everything we want. I actually feel like this entire thing was a step in the right direction.

The World is Conspiring in My Favor! I know it!! (Its a little hard to see, but this is my writing loft. I painted those words across the windows.)