Book Work

Been working like a dog, (I though the analogy was cute, considering) on my novel. Have a publisher, who wants to read it. I am excited, not sure what will come of it all, but just having a reader is good news. I spent Memorial weekend typing, editing and improving. I think it's better, for the time I spent. I hope so, because I neglected my family the whole weekend.

I am also, on a diet. I have no idea why?? I'm not a weight watcher, I don't even have a scale that works properly. But I've been going to a trainer, and she sold me on the idea. It's five days of shakes, fruit, vegetables and energy bars. Day one, yesterday, we went to the horse races. I decided a Boody Mary could serve as my one serving of vegetables. Other than that, I was true to the plan. Day two, today, I feel like crap!

I don't enjoy being hungry. My head is fuzzy and I'm feeling cranky. Maybe another Bloody Mary would help... if I last the entire five days, it will be a miracle.

Face the facts, you're OCD

I have said before, I am a believer in the Universe talking to you... well not actually speaking, not really a voice, but smacking you in the face over and over again until you get the point. So the point right now seems to be OCD and patience.

My dog's shoulder problem was called an OCD. Which at the time I thought was funny. Even though the shoulders medical problem is not at all similar to the OCD we are accustomed to, it seems the dog is developing some typical traits of the mental, actual OCD. He will not leave the damn injury alone. He is obsessively licking and scratching his incisions. In a constant battle of wills, I now have the dog wearing not only a t-shirt to cover said area, but also a sock, taped on the foot he uses to scratch. Before long the little darling will be dressed from head to toe. I know this is surprising, but I do not have the patience for this... why can't he just leave the damn thing alone?

This obvious push from the Universe was not enough to get me to pay attention. I posted my screenplay on Inktip.com today. Fabulous site, I wrote a log line and synopsis and attached a PDF file with the actual SP. Within 30 minutes I had a couple of hits. You can actually view, who looks at your logline, synopsis and screenplay. Now, what do you know, I am obsessed! Every five minutes I have to look. I need to know, who's looking. I NEED TO KNOW!! I want to know who the companies are, so I have to google them. I want to know why they are not viewing the synopsis. I want to know why two of the companies came back twice.

In my head of happy places, I think within a couple more minutes, two or three of these companies are going to call. They are going to start a bidding war and within a day or two, Wade can quit his job and I will be an official writer of movies. I will buy a new Mercedes convertible and we will live the happy life writing away contentedly on my little lap top. I love my happy place.

I can't see why the Universe keeps giving me reasons to explore my OCD and the lack of patience that is abundant in my being, I think it's just mean spirited.

I would really like to tell you more, but I can't wait anymore, I need to go check the website...

Thursday

Roc before the truck hit him.












After. He is now wearing a t-shirt because the little shit scratches his shoulder even with the helmet head! I am going to use this photo as blackmail whenever the little darling decides to get married. (Now you know why my kids worry!)


Two quick notes...
School is out tomorrow! Yeah!! Can't wait.

And, I'm really glad David Cook won. Archie bugged me.

Pity Party, Screenplay work, and Big Dogs

So, I'm over my pity party. If you read through this entire page of blogs many clear points come through. In the past month I have written about my belief in God, my belief in redemption and my own account of BIG mistakes I have made in my life.

Dan Stephen is no different.

I believe that our Universe will work it's magic and Dan will have to face his mistakes one way or another. I wish it would work faster. I really want this part of our lives to be over with. But I can wait. Maybe this is my lesson in patience and my lesson in giving up control. Having faith. Man, there are tons of lessons here if I quit whining long enough to see them. So for now I will let go and trust that things will work out.

As for my writing, I am done with the SP. The last critique was great! Very positive with lots of ideas on how to improve it. I spent some time rewriting again. Came up with a few new scenes to add, some more conflict and now I'm done. I need to move on to something new. I am posting it this afternoon on a website called inktip.com. It's a place for managers, producers, and agents to look for the type of movies they are looking for. It has a pretty good record for getting things sold. I will also give it to my uncle and let him give it to some friends. We will see...

Just one more update. My dog had surgery yesterday. He is an 8 month old Bernese Mountain Dog and he had shoulder trouble. Apparently it's fairly common in dogs this big. But the surgery was hard on him. He looks like he was hit by a truck!! He has six weeks of recovery which includes only leash walks, no free roaming in the yard. This is going to be really hard on him. He's totally an outside dog!

He had his entire leg, shoulder to toes, shaved. There are incisions on his shoulder that need to stay clean and dry. He is wearing one of those big dog, circus hats to keep him from licking, and he is completely disoriented with that thing on. He bangs into everything around while he is limping along. It's really a sad sight! I hope he heals quickly! There I go again. I seriously need to buy some patience. Maybe that's what this summer is suppose to be about. Slowing down, and just letting things happen. Sounds like a pretty good summer to me.

No justice for peacekeepers

Daniel Stephen, the 16 year old boy that killed Steve, has been found incompetent to stand trial again. I am baffled and disappointed to my core over this finding. The entire judicial system is a bad joke. Lisa and I have attended every proceeding. Only to walk away confused by the inefficient legal system.

Since the accident, this boy (after 2+ years he is now a man), has graduated high school and gotten himself a job at an insurance company. The courts say he is incompetent because he has short term memory loss. He also does not remember the accident. I wish my sister didn't remember the accident. Didn't remember holding her husbands hand while he died. But she does.

I feel completely at a loss. I am afraid we are letting Steve down. We are letting his sons down. And maybe at the core I am somehow letting my sister down. There has to be more we can do. I am angry at the District Attorney. I have not for one second during any of this, felt she has had our best interest in mind. She never contacts my sister, never tells her what to expect, only answers to emails when she feels obligated. My question is simple, isn't she always obligated?

We have met with the Stephen's family on several occasions. I know that my sister has done her best to forgive. I am trying to do the same. But somehow our personal forgiveness has possibly given the impression that we don't need or want justice. That is simply not the case. How can I ever look my nephews in the eyes and tell them what has happened is okay?

This legal finding of incompetency is a travesty. Daniel knows my sister and can remember from time to time conversations they have had. He knows to ask about the boys. He knows what he did that night. He knows he is guilty. His own mother told us on the way out of the courthouse last time, that she thought he was competent. Beyond that what else is there?

Their defense attorney keeps saying to the judge that he can not remember the accident. Who remembers any accident? Especially after drinking the entire night? How can that be used as a legal defense?

At this moment I am completely hopeless over the situation. All I have ever wanted is for this boy to stand up and admit his guilt and take his consequences. I am not advocating a harsh sentence. I am not saying he isn't sorry for what he did. It is a basic human right to demand accountability. Well it seems we can demand all we want, but justice isn't for everyone.

Reflection

The reflection of a ghost
Stares back at me
A life unfinished, a sad fate
Searching for a truth, that no one holds.

Beckoning for recognition
Pleading for a voice
The heart a vanquished space
Of a story without an end.

Answer me, hear me, see me,
The voice calls
Through the pleading eyes
And ghostly flickering and tricks

Will they hear him?
Do they know?
Without catching the reflection
He has no space.

The eerie fading truth
Is the silence of the night
The light illusions
Too quick for the busy mind

He is here.
I am slow and quiet.
I recognize, in this obscure image
my family, my friend.

Redemption

Well, we watched Kite Runner last night. I had read the book a few years back and I loved it all over again last night. The movies are never as good as the book, but only because you can not get the same level of involvement or detail. It did give me the same message which I find so hopeful and uplifting.

I believe the message Khaled Hosseini is trying to make is that we will always have opportunities to right our wrongs. I believe the universe brings these opportunities to us again and again, until we get it right. What a fabulous thing!

If you believe this, it means that our mistakes do not define us. Or at least they don't have to. I don't believe that the same people will give you numerous opportunities to get things right. You can only hurt someone so many times. But the same lesson can be learned with different people.

That is not to say, that we won't leave this life with things left undone. I am sure that my brother in law, Steve, would have fixed many things in his life if he had known he had such a short time. He didn't have the same life cycle that many people, who live long lives, have.

I am convince though, that given the time, we will be granted an infinite number of opportunities to get things right. It gives me a very happy and peaceful feeling to know that every new day, can be done differently than the last.

I can look at my past, as recently as yesterday, and figure out what I can do better today. Our redemption is only as far away as our recognition of our mistakes, and the desire to do better. I love that thought, it makes me feel very secure in myself. I know I screw up, but it's the same thing I tell my kids all the time. It's what you do afterwards that matters.

Finding God in a Field

I am inspired to write about God. I know this is a tricky subject but as this is my blog, I am entitled to write about anything I want. That’s the best thing about writing a blog. And because none of you ever comment, I feel as though no one reads it. It is mine alone.

I am a person without a religion, but I have my God. There have been two occasions in my life when God was a direct presence. I will tell about the first. I knew it was Her. I’m not all about calling my God, Him all the time, I think He could just as easily be a She.

The first was when I was 21. I was a very reckless teen, right up until the incident. I got a fake ID when I was 18. I honestly just wanted to dance in the clubs. It was a terrible ID. Some woman at the restaurant I worked in left it at the bar. My manager thought it looked a little like me so he gave it to me. She didn’t look anything like me. I had really short hair and the woman in the picture had long hair. That’s the only thing anyone ever commented on, “oh, you cut your hair.”

When I turned 21, the dancing turned very abruptly into drinking. I loved to drive fast after a night at the bar. After my more recent history, that terrifies me now. One night, a friend of mine was driving my car because I was doing shots. She drove herself home, with me passed out in the seat next to her. When we arrived, she woke me to hand me the keys, and send me on my way.

I was lost and drunk. I remember realizing I was going the wrong direction. It was raining, hard. I flipped a bitch in the middle of the street, in the rain, and managed to slam my car into a utility pole. My seat broke backwards and my head crashed through the back windshield.

I don’t remember crashing. I don’t remember flying through the windshield. What I remember is my affirmation that there is a God. I knew there was rain, and I knew I should feel cold, but I felt very warm and safe. I know this is cliché’ I don’t really care. There was a very bright light in my memory and the reassuring voice of God, telling me I would be okay.

I know, the skeptics say, that it was the firemen or EMT’s trying to reassure me. But I know, without a doubt in my mind, that it was God.

The only other bit of evidence I have to offer is even more of a mystery. When my mom arrived at the hospital, after being called out of her sleep to come to my aid, a policeman told her he saw me out of the car wondering around in the field. I was never out of the car. The rescue team had to use the Jaws of Life to get me out of the car. I don’t remember any of that, but I saw the car afterwards.

I don’t know if it was my soul, wondering in that field or if it was Her coming to my side, but it wasn’t me. I know I didn’t get out of that car on my own.

I am grateful I didn’t kill anyone that night. I am grateful I didn’t kill myself. I know that wasn’t my story. God tapped me on the shoulder, and I knew I had to pay attention. My story isn’t completely told. There are chapter’s no one knows but me. I am saddened when I hear a friend or a loved one tell me there is no God. I know they are wrong and I wonder, why hasn’t God made Himself known to them? I may never know, but my inclination is, He has, they just may not have been listening.

Contest time

I am posting my screenplay and a poem to the Writers Digest competition. The winner from each catagory wins a trip to New York and time with four editors or agents. I have always wanted to go to New York. With my darling hubby being as tight as he is with our budget, winning might be my only ticket. My son (little dreamer) is sure I will win. Gotta love em.

The Jackson Five

Okay, so I joined a band. The band is called the Jackson Five. For those of you that don't know, my maiden name is Jackson. Writing has become too...consuming.

It consists of my brother Jeff, lead singer. He has been living in the mountains for so long that we can no longer see his face for the hair that has grown. Either that or it's actually a Sasquatch pretending to be our brother. He is below, I am sure from my discription you can pick him out!

My other brother Justin, the youngest, still believes he is the baby and he's 27. No sign of maturity yet. He'll have the girls eating out of his hand. He's holding the mic. And the young happy looking chick with Justin, is his greatest fan!

My sister Lisa, can't carry a tune, but she is the looks of the group. She is so pretty, no one expects her to be able to sing. She's in the center. And My dad, Uncle Willie, is hiding in the back. The other woman in the front is my aunt, she's our manager. The other big guy in the back is Jay. He is promotions or something like that...

As for me, well what can I say, I've found my calling.

HA! Don't believe it! I love to write and I always will. Besides, I can't really sing and I think the Jackson Five thing has already been done. Too many things going on lately to focus. Seriously, my life is a joke, or a good novel, haven't decided.

I may not have mentioned this previously, I have been keeping my identity a secret for my own protection. But now, I have nothing to lose.

I am the Vice President of the PTO. - Wow! What a tremendous weight lifted. I feel so free.

This has been the year writers dream of. Drama, intrigue, sex, lies, and possibly a death or two (they are still investigating). I think there is a book in here somewhere, but the wounds are too raw at this point to really wrap my head around it.

So what to do... okay I did revisions on the SP. I think I have rewritten this thing about 10 times. This has to be the last time, I need to move on to something new. I have sent it for one more critique, hold on to your hats, I'll let you know.

After, I get it back I will try and take whatever I get and make some minor changes. Then I just have to post the thing and get over myself. My uncle has worked for Disney for many years. He was Stage Manager for many of the Disney Broadway productions. He wants to give it to some people he knows. I am all for it, although, it's a little scary. But what the hell, you only live once.

This whole screenwriting thing has been so interesting to learn and totally challenging. It has really forced me to face my fears about criticism. I am honestly not sure if I will go back to SP #2 which I started some time ago, or if I will write another book. This summer it will be a challenge regardless, with the kids home. Next year though, my little one is in Kindergarten. Two days a week all day, plus every other Friday. All I can think about are the hours at the computer. I can't wait.

So for now the singing thing is on hold. I'm going to hang in there with this writing thing and just see where it leads. Singing's only fun if you're loaded. This I can do either way!